stuck in the snow

hemlines

2005-10-06T12:24:00.000-04:00

You know what, I am beginning to relize that having ulcers was almost a good thing. For a while they didnt know what was wrong with me so I had to go in and out of the doctors and then finally got to go to the hospital. The thing is, the doctors, and especially the hospital, desentisized me from mortifying imbarrassment. There's just something about having your shit tested, having cameras shuved up and down, and being in the same room as a girl her expells her bodily waste from her stomach (and sometimes spilling it) that makes everything else seem alot less important. I think today would be an excellent example. The school uniform at my irish catholic boarding school is terribly frumpy, and the skirt hemlines reach a very unflattering mid-calf. (I got my granny to hem my skirts so they're knee legnth). Well, being from Canada, where the hemlines are usually about mid-ass in catholic schools, I decided to partially roll my skirt up, so it was mid thigh. For some reason, this really gave my friends a kick, so they dared me to wear it short to lunch. What the hell, why not? I might have gotten in trouble because all of the teachers here have huge poles up their asses (and not enough lube), but I can't deny the long dradition of Canadian catholic school girl skirt lengths just to avoid some detention. So I walked into the dining hall with my skirt flaping about a few below my butt, which I don't really consider all that short, considering that I'm only 5"3 anyways. Well I suppose it was rather short according to some people. No one really noticed until I walked out with my friends, gigling and my fat, shot and bald geography teacher saw me and yelled, "RACHEL! CONCEAL YOURSELF!!!" and then the whole lunch room (what, twenty people?) started to laugh. Im pretty sure I would have gotten in trouble if I myself hadnt been laughing so hard. My friend was lauging so hard that she had to lie down on the floor, as I quickly put my tray away and rolled my skirt back down to knee length, trying not to piss myself in a fit of laughter. And well, besides the uber long skirt hemlines, this school also has FUCKING SHITTY COMPUTERS!!!! This is the first time I've been on the internet in FOUR DAYS. FOUR FUCKING DAYS. I can finally finish this post, which took me about 2 weeks to write because the internet keeps on crashing. Anyway, since writing these posts are very theraputic for me, Im going to try my darndest to avoid the internet crashes before hand. bye :)

Oooops

2005-10-02T03:25:00.000-04:00

I'm so mad at my self fo not keeping this up over the summer an for another month, much like last year atually. Hopefully I wont do this in 2006. Well I'm at boarding scool now, which is weird but I think I like it. I've been here for three weeks now, and I've managed to get into trouble four times. Look, it's really not my fault if all the majority of teachers here have poles up their asses. And I got introuble for stupid things too, like making a grilled cheese sandwich at 11:30 pm, forgetting my blazer for some stupid singing presentation, not wearig my cape (which are in fashion now, but Im sure will be out by next year) at inspection (not what it sounds like, they just give you your effort marks from class), leaving the school without the proper amount of permission (I only got caught once)...
Even though most of the teachers have poles up their asses, they are very good teachers who seem to actually enjoy teaching. Well except Ms. Bustard, who is my french and spanish teacher. She's one of those teachers who cant control the class room but gets angry very easily. I saw her sitting in the third year common room alone, the night before last, looking extremely suicidal. It's rather sad.
I have made some good friends, but no boy friends, so my immunity to love still seams to exsist. I am longing for it with every fibre of my being, especially because the only dvd we currently have is Moulin Rouge, so it gets played over and over again. Its a rather happy movie if you leave the room at the right time.
well that is all, Im glad I started updating again. See ya!

My bike ride

2005-07-11T02:36:00.000-04:00

Today I decided to take my mom's bike out for a ride since I had nothing better to do. My mom likes to buy really old bikes after they have been fixed up, unfortunately, they always fall apart in about a month so she always has to go buy new ones. I don't have a bike for some reason. The bike is some racing bike from the 70's and it was a very unpleasant compared to a mountain bike, the kind that don't hurt you butt and pelvic region. Any way I was toddling around the trail, and I noticed that the other bikers had amazing legs, long and toned, the kind that actually look good in spandex. Hmmm, that could be me one day. Actually my legs aren't that bad, except for the fact that my left calf is fatter than my right because I had a stupid running injury and now I have a lot less muscle definition in my left leg, it's only noticeable to me, but I guess that's the way it always is.
As I was biking, I came to the decision to buy my own bike, a mountain bike with one of those gel seats, because my ass was really starting to hurt. I was passing a whole range of people down the trail thingy, including two child prostitutes. They were about 7, with thick black eyeliner smudged over their eyes, cheap skanky clothing and stuffed bras (or illegal implants). As they walked together, arms linked, the shorter blonde gave me a dirty look. Probably something to do with the crappy bike I was riding. I noticed how out of place breasts look when there is no hip development whatsoever, which is probably derived from me being pissed off that a seven year old managed to have bigger tits than me. After the child prostitute encounter I headed onwards...until little tiny bugs started to attack me. Crap!!!! I clumsily turned my bike around, and raced out of the bug forest and then decided to head back home, mainly because of the excuciating pain my butt was enduring. Ow, it's so painful. I raced back home but halfway there I was forced to slow down because of a clump of laughing boys (the old kind). That smells fimiliar... I suddenly realized that they were smoking pot, in front of everyone in broad daylight. I smiled with pride, Canada is the only country where you can commit midly illegal crimes and not get in trouble because everyone is too passive and embarrassed to do anything. Oh, Canada. I passed the child prostitutes again too, and received another dirty look, but to give them a break, I'd be pissed off if I was a child prostitute. I finally made it home just before my ass outwardly screamed for some morphine injections. I seriously bet that every bike racer in the world has butt implants.

Bored.

2005-07-04T13:15:00.000-04:00

God I am so bored. I have to call my dear friend Amanda today so we can make plans to do something. I owe her because I "could not" come to one of her boring dinner outings at some crap restaurant. Me and Amanda have known each other since we were three, and as the years progressed I went through many transformations (or “awkward stages”), and many self discoveries, all of them guided by challenges and problems that I was forced to face (nothing that extreme, usually to do with my rebelliousness). I always noticed that Amanda never had many problems; besides the occasional fights with her sister she was always quite happy and pretty much leading a perfect life. We remained best friends until we were 12, me wild and crazy, wearing eighties style leggings and cutting my hair off, and her quiet and conservative, wearing little GAP cardigans. But once we hit junior high, things really started to change. I wasn’t in any of the same classes as her, I was with my horseback riding friend Monique, and then I met Steph in our French immersion classes together and at horseshows. Monique and Steph were both much more fun to hang out with, and as thoughtless as it is, I started to choose them over Amanda. Although it wasn’t as if I had totally abandoned Amanda, I still saw her outside of school, and a few times a week I went over to her house for lunch with some of her friends when I got sick of the tries and tribulations of the group me, Monique and Steph belonged to. I always knew I wouldn’t have to deal with any drama whilst with Amanda and her gang, nothing ever happened, we all sat there, ate our lunches and watched Arthur. Well throughout the years Amanda has barely changed at all, besides her new thing of going out to dinner at places that are extremely expensive that began in the ninth grade. She’s just…too innocent. There’s just nothing bad about Amanda, nothing daring, she’s just so bleak. She might as well be a talking placenta or something. Oh god I feel awful for trashing Amanda, what has she ever done to me? But I suppose it is good to get my feelings out there. But it's not as if I don't put any effort into it either. I usually start to talk about something and then ask her about it, but I always receive a one answer reply: Yes, No, Maybe, Yea, Ok. How am I supposed to work with that? How? I mean we're teenagers, we should be having wild parties, doing lines of coke off of each other's asses (ok not that wild), not politely sitting at a restraunt talking about nothing. Ok? OK? Yes, you can have fun at a restraunt with your friends, but not when everyone else is so conservative, and when it's too expensive and the food sucks. Oh yea, and no one else tips so you end up having to tip like, twelve dollars.

Sex ed

2005-06-29T15:56:00.000-04:00

OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T BLOGGED FOR MORE THAN A MONTH!!! I have finally worked procrastination down to an art. Well not much has happened in the past month anyway. Except for my birthday: 16 years of my life completely over, exams: did badly in spanish as usual but still waiting for the results, I am officially going to boarding school next september(yay!), and school is DONE! Thank god. I was getting so sick of stupid "Sex ed". At first it's fine, you're with your friends, smelling flavored condoms, looking at grotesque pictures of STD's, not really doing any work... Then BANG suddenly you're flung into the world of teachers preaching abstinence until you are married. This really pissed me off, although a lot of the other girls didn't put any thought into it, they just listened to the teacher. I kept on getting the impression from my teacher that you should marry to have sex, and once you are married you're perfectly safe from STD's and emotional difficulties surrounding sex. That's complete bullcrap. Just think about how many people cheat on their spouses, and how may couples loose their lust for each other, plus you can't forget the 50% of marriges that end in divorce. And another thing, as my wise friend once said, you need to know that you're sexually compatible with your partner before you get married. Imagine that it's your honey moon night, you've saved yourself just for this person, and the sex turns out to be awful. What happens then? Yes you love them, but do you really want to live a life with no good sex? Do you? Do you really want to have both of you faking it for the rest of your marriage (which will probably not last long)? You'll end up having to fork up a ton of cash for some sex therapist, and quite frankly, if you're young newlyweds the chances of you affording any sort of therapy is quite slim (well unless insurance covers it, I don't really know, I guess if it does you don't have that big of a problem then). Another thing is, I felt like I was being told to go off and get married, like it was necessity. There was no "If you get married" but "When you get married" and a lot of talks about what we would look for in a husband, and how he would support us. WELL I DON'T NEED A MAN IN MY LIFE! I DON'T NEED TO BE MARRIED TO BE HAPPY AND SOME GUY TO HELP ME AFFORD MY HOUSE! I CAN ADOPT A GIRL FROM CHINA ON MY OWN AND BECOME A COOL, HOT SINGLE MOTHER LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE. I mean for god's sake, it's 2005, not 1950. During the middle of the discussion I raised my hand and just blurted it out: "What if I don't want to get married? Will I never have sex?!?! Or what if I don't get married until I'm forty? I don't want to be a virgin for that long." Unfortunately the teacher gave me a speech about values and long term partners, like her uncle who had been engaged for over 30 years and according to her was an acceptable situation for intercourse. Um, that wasn't exactly what I had meant but I didn't feel like getting into it when I knew what the answers would be. Although I do understand why they tell us to wait until marriage, because it really does decrease the exposure of STDs but I just don't think that it's realistic to most people and fair on the kids who may never get married. I think it would work a lot better if they said "wait until you're out of highschool" or something like that, considering that we have had safe sex knowledge imprinted in all our brains, and so now we can make wise choices. Unless you're gay. I guess I could say I'm not all that surprised that we didn't learn about gay sex, but I am very annoyed, considering that the teacher decided to skip drugs, nutrition and eating disorders in order to learn more about (straight) "intimate relations". At a sex conference I went to with my class, we had to ask meaningfully questions to different presentations set up in order to earn points for our schools. I went around, asking things, until I went up to the school board nurse lady thing and couldn't think of a question. Suddenly, it struck me, If I was gay, or in my future I decided to have sex with a woman, I would be SO confused!!! So I asked her "Why don't we learn about homosexual sex, only heterosexual sex?" I don't really know why I didn't just say gay and straight, but at least I knew I had got my point across, because she looked very surprised. She praised me for being so insightful and then told me that no one had ever thought about that and that she was going to go discuss it with the rest of the nurse-sex-education-thing she belongs to. Wow, I may have actually influenced education, which has been one of my life long goals. But I guess the big picture is that not learning about gay sex creates a subliminal message that it's still unacceptable, even though where I live same sex marriage is legal. It's just a big hypocrisy! Wow, does this make me a revoluntionary (is that actually a word)? I think it does! O well, at least I learned about how to make wise choices in the bedroom (or the elevator, or the airplane toilet, or the tampoline, or the chandelier, or the...). At least I don't live in Alabama or something, where flavored condoms are probably banned, and HIV/AIDS is secretly spreading like wildfire but no one talks about it because of the stigma, and beleifs...I guess I am pretty lucky.

Crap, I still have to do my assignement.

2005-05-26T00:18:00.000-04:00

To my love thee gracious Olivia I AM SO F*CKING BORED. OH MY GOD. I wouldn’t be surprised if my head just suddenly lolled off from being so immensely bored. How the hell am I supposed to learn crap when I am SO BORED. This is the extreme epitome of boredom, the essence of absolute nothingness. Just squatting there like a mentally deficient duck. Why am I supposed to do this stupid letter about love. I don’t know sh*t about love for god’s sake, I’M FIFTEEN. I can’t write about something that just adds supplementary boredom to my already bleak existence. God, write about bastard Shakespeare and his painfully boring play, Twelfth Night. It’s as if I’m injecting boredom into my veins, except unlike heroin, IT’S BOREING. What the hell was wrong with Shakespeare, what the hell is wrong with the world? Shakespeare is just some dull idiot who decided to write some crap down, and lord behold, people decided he was some genius. One day in class I’m going to go into compulsions, or what ever the hell it’s called, because the air will be so dry from Shakespeare’s boring words that my brain will collapse. And Shakespeare is not funny, WHY THE HELL IS MY TEACHER LAUGHING? Hahaha, Orsino loves Olivia, and Malvolio’s an idiot, oooo woooow, never seen that before. You could make a much better play about some girl who wishes she was Charlotte Casiraghi, but nobody does…Because they’re all sitting there reading crap Shakespeare. And writing stupid assignments based on Twelfth Night. Honestly, Shakespeare is over-rated in the adult world as pot is over-rated in the teenage world. Adults read and study Shakespeare because everyone around them thinks it’s clever, sophisticated, witty, a milestone in literature. Teenagers smoke pot because it’s seen as cool, dangerous, rule breaking, exciting. Unfortunately, in reality Shakespeare is the exceedingly boring and so is pot. I have extensive experience in both. If you actually think Shakespeare is remarkable, you are probably the most boring thing in the whole universe. But don’t feel bad, because this means there are a lot of super boring things in the universe. And Shakespeare is sitting in some galaxy reading his wonderfully boring plays aloud with all of the Shakespeare lovers staring in overwhelming admiration, dressed up like Christian missionaries.

My brother...broke the window, serisously!

2005-05-17T16:28:00.000-04:00

Today I walked back from school only to realize that I forgot my key (again). I didn't know what to do so I went and unpacked my bag, to check for a key that might have got pushed down to the bottom. Unfortunately I didn't have one, but luckily I saw my brother coming and decided to pretend I was having fun on the trampoline. My trampoline sucks because my parents are lazy idiots and decided not to bring it back inside during the winter, so now it doesn't bounce. I mean I did try, but I do need help, and no one wanted to help me. Anyway I looked over to see my brother open the door, and smash it shut and snap the lock closed. That bastard. I already had a headache from breathing in pesticides and all I wanted to do was go relax. I didn't know what to do so I started banging on the door, and kicking it. Then I decided to throw pebbles at his window to get his attention. His bedroom is up pretty high, so I kept on missing do to lack up upper body mass, so I threw harder. Then suddenly !*!*!SMASH!*!*! Wah??? How'd I brake that window??? HOW??? Is my aim really that bad that I smashed the first story window, when my brother's room is on the third? Well it is a pretty huge window, but it's still on the first floor. I stood there, gaping in horror for a few seconds, until I noticed that my dad was coming. Uh oh... I didn't know what to do, so I did what anyone should do, blame it on someone else.
"Dad! I was on the trampoline and then Marc came and smashed the window and said 'Haha! Now mom and dad are gonna think you did it!' and then he ran inside and locked the door shut!"
I expected my dad to get mad, but my dad got really mad, much worse then what I expected, and based on previous experiences of course.
"Oh SH*T!" He said, then stormed inside and yelled, "You're so ungrateful! You don't care a sh*t about this house! I'm going to sell this house and then we can move into a tiny TOWN HOUSE! How would you like that? I can't afford all of this!!!" Then to my shock, he started to sob and ran away into his room. WOAH! I have a feeling that my dad has MANY underlying issues, and by many, I mean ALOT, and by alot I mean a BILLION. Especially because he can afford this, and even he can't, my mom can, and if she can't, I can. Well I really should be paying, but seeing as this is my brother's fault anyway for locking me out, he should. I feel really bad now though. And I also have a feeling that karma is going to get me. What goes around comes around...

My mummy

2005-05-12T12:53:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday (mother's day), I ended up pratically decapitating myself. I can't remember exactly how it happened, but I do remember the excrushiating pain. I was running into the washroom when suddenly my hand smashed against the door frame, and when I looked down the skin on my middle finger had been ripped off, but was still hanging on by a thread. OH MY GOD THIS IS SOOOOOOO PAINFUL. I didn't really know what to do, so I called out "MOOOOM! MoooOOooOOom! MoooOOooOooM!" in a sort of pathetic whipering voice. She came and asked me what happened, and I showed her my finger, now gushing blood. Suddenly I felt all the blood in my head drain away and a quick rushing sound appeared. "MooOOooM..... I feel dizzy." Well I wasn't crying, so I might as well faint, right? I was just dissapointed some geourgous Prince wasn't there to save my fall. "Come lie down." my mom told me, and she led me to one of the window seats, my mother's obsessed with window seats. She go me some water and let me sip it as she retreived some first aid kit, and then worked on my finger. Good thing I made her that cake for mother's day, I thought...I mean I have to pretend I know how important she is before I actually find out. "There we go, all better." she told me, and I looked down to see one of those giant bandages on my finger. "The skin should fuse back to your finger soon." At that moment I suddenly realized how much I depend on my mother, If she hadn't been there, my finger would have probably ended in the garbage bin or something. And luckily, she's less uptight about money than my dad is. Unfortunately she can be really stressfull and annoying, but then anyone is if you've lived with them for almost 16 years.

GRRRR!

2005-05-06T17:03:00.000-04:00

GRRRRR...I'm super pissed, because I have a headache that is quickly turning into a migrane, I can feel it. And this is how I got it:
It was the end of school for the week and I could finally go home and relax in bliss because I wan't assigned any homework. YAY!!! I was so happy, especially since this has been an exceptionally boring week, with lots of work and lots of mental stress. So I pranced out of the school like a little school girl "LaLaLaLaLaLa" and headed off home. I live about 2 and a half miles away from school so it takes me an hour to get home but I don't really mind. So I was walking down a street, half way home, when I saw an unusually green lawn of grass in front of a dentist's office. It looked as if aliens had landed on it and used their radio-activity to make it al one shade of green. Then suddenly I smelled the familiar toxic smell of pesticides, which immediately started pressing down painfully on my head. I barely noticed the "Don't walk here or your children will have birth defects" sign falling over in the dirt because rage was building up inside of me. WHAT GIVES YOU THE F*CKING RIGHT TO SPRAY THIS F*CKING SH*T ALL OVER YOUR STUPID UPPER MIDDLE CLASS DENTIST LAWN AND GIVE ME A F*CKING MIGRANE FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS AND RUIN MY WEEKEND. NOT TO MENTION GIVING ME THYROID CANCER IN MY 40'S AND SLOWLY DESTROYING MY NERVOUS SYSTEM OVER THE COURSE OF MY NOW DRAMATICALLY SHORTENED LIFE. THANK YOU SOOOOO F*CKING MUCH. I honestly don't understand it, people really don't get how much damage pesticides do. I had a friend who's family sprayed the lawn to get rid of insects, and I told them all about the effects pesticides actually have on people and animals and the environment and all they said was "Yea well..." and let their children run around on the freshly sprayed lawn. By no means am I a sandals and socks wearing tree hugger, but after finding out what pesticides actually do, I've been severely against them. I mean, why do you think 1 in 3 people get cancer in the first place? And what is the ultimate purpose of having a "perfect" field of grass? So you can wake up in the morning and smile, basking in a green glow...before you notice the lump on your side? Goody. God I feel so sick...oooowww my head, why the hell am I on the computer? Bye bye, and for god's sake people, stop spraying your lawns, if I get another fucking migrane from it I'll blow your stupid suburban lawns up. An eye for an eye, right?

Scary.

2005-04-29T23:03:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was so tired, the whole week had been nights of late bed times but the day before I ended up going to bed at 2:30 to finish my essay (which wasn't due till Friday but my teacher docks a lot of marks if you don't have your rough drafts in). When I woke up I decided that I was much too tired to function so I told my mom that I wasn't feeling well and snuggled back into my warm cozy bed. I woke up about two hours later feeling nice and refreshed so I decided I should probably go to school. I got ready, and my mom drove me there at about 10:00, half an hour late for gym class but she wrote me a note that would "validate my absence". It wasn't that big of a deal anyway, we were only doing "relaxation", which is just lying there talking to your friends. I walked in feeling very refreshed and energetic, the day was made better when I saw my friend Alison walk in at exactly the same time and tell me that she got her braces off that morning. I think that the whole braces thing is such a scam, everyone I know who got them had perfect teeth before but the orthodontist somehow covinced them and their parents that their teeth were extremely crooked (slight body dismorphia?) but this is completely besides the point. We were talking in very cheerful voices typical of the way a fifteen and sixteen year old sound, when all of a sudden Alison met some friends I didn't know very well (well they don't eat lunch with us) and we all started to walk to her locker, with them talking in hushed tones. I could hear what they were talking about but when friends of a friend start to talk to each other I usually tune out because it's never directed at me, although I basically got the drift that what they were talking about was very serious. Afterwards I asked Alison what it was about and she told me, looking very pale, that one of the students in are grade committed suicide... She was pretty popular, so a lot of people knew her including some of my friends. In gym class every one just sat there crying. It was awful. Finally after what felt like hours, the bell rang and I went to math class feeling terrible, I didn't even know her but I just couldn't get over the magnitude of the situation. Especially because I couldn't get the image of her hanging in her backyard out of my head, which is how they found her. I remember everyone saying inbetween sobs that she seemed so happy and she was so smart and she had so many friends...but people are so good at acting happy when they're not. I think that's so scary, everyone thinks someone's fine but they're actually sitting there planning their death. There were some people, who didn't know her, who thought she was being selfish. I can understand how someone would think that, but I don't think they really get what she was going through, I don't, but it's not as if she killed herself to piss people off: I think to commit suicide you can't see anyway out of feeling horrible and worthless. I later found out that she left a note saying that she felt that she couldn't live up to everyone's expectations, which I guess cleared up why everyone was so confused. It's so scary when it isn't on the news.

Pffffft Spanish

2005-04-23T10:07:00.000-04:00

Boy, I am tired. I am also pretty sure I failed my Spanish test, because the teacher gave us a day to learn all this Spanish stuff that I still can't even remember. She thought we all understood what she was teaching us because half the class would answer her questions correctly, but then the other half just sat there looking confused. She decided to give us the test yesterday, and she kept on saying how bad she felt for giving us a test so early but that she was confident in us, well that was stupid. She started to mark the tests when we were all done and with the second sheet of paper she smiled and said, "Yes, this is what I like to see"... It was probably the test of one of the Spanish kids in the class anyway. When she picked up the third test I was pretty sure it was mine, I grungingly sit at the front of the class right beside the teacher's desk so I should be able to see the wrtiting on the papers, but I can't because I'm old and can't see anymore, but the blur at the top of the page could have very well been my signature. I saw her hand form little X's and the smile fade into a quiet frown. Oooops. The only thing I was sure about on the test was the labeling of the parts of the body, such as la cabeza (which means head) and el dedo (finger). I'm so sick of Spanish, and you know what? I don't want to go to South America and wake up to find that someone stole my kidney, and I don't want to go to Spain and get my head blasted off or get killed by some rampaging bull, so there really is no need for me to speak Spanish except for the novelty. Yes, that is my excuse for not doing well on this test
-------------------------------------------UPDATE--------------------------------------------
I ended up getting 58% on my test. Well...at...least...I...didn't...fail....

Run fast marc, run very fast.

2005-04-15T21:56:00.000-04:00

Since when does my brother use the treadmill? O yea, according to him every Friday at ten, going five miles per hour for 60 minutes. Well thank you very much for telling me, as you lumber off in jeans and your collar sticking out from underneath your monogramed wool sweatshirt! O yes, he is really in for a workout. Now I have to do the treadmill at eleven...ELEVEN! I'm going to be in some sort of sleep-run tance...Unless I manage to find some uppers in about an hour. God, I just want to bash his head open with his stupid IPod, which is his only reason for existence...He even bought it socks.
Anyway after that little complaining thing I want to talk about what happened to me in the washroom today. Well actually nothing happened to me, it's more like something I noticed someone else doing, which was really stupid, and also slightly disturbing. I was walking home when I noticed I had to pee again (taking antibiotics, NO NOT an STD, urinary track infection, with no connection what so ever with an STD...I'm making too big of a deal out of this aren't I? You know there's a lot of discrimination connected with STD's...Not that I have one.) so I went into THE ATRIUM, a place with some shops and a cafe and a pub and a place that sells British candy and a washroom, to go relieve myself. I was well...peeing when all of a sudden I heard the bathroom door open and an explotion of soprano singing flooded into the room. I heard the singing drift into the stall next to me accompanied by a little *tinkle tinkle* and then swiftly left, leaving the door to swing shut. I sat there for a moment, stunned, and then realized that there wash no *splash splash splash* and no *air blowing from the hand dryer* to accompany her song.
She didn't wash her hands...

Bored and Love

2005-04-10T14:11:00.000-04:00

God, I am so bored. Bored bored bored bored bored. Why am I bored out of my mind? Everybody has a boyfriend, that or someone they woke up in bed with after a wild night of scotch and Ecstasy, everyone except me. This means I am stuck all alone by my self while my friends go do stuff with their boyfriends, except for my other weird friends who go out to dinner everynight and spend way too much time trying to be sophisticated adults. It's sort of ironic, they try to be mature but they'll blush spelling out S-E-X. Anyway hanging out with them is like spending extra time in Canadian history class, which is bad because you cannot elaborate on "Canada became a country when the Queen signed some papers-Pierre Trudeau- maple syrup-immigrants-flag"-that's all that ever happened and Native Canadians are not part of it (Canada's dirty little secret: the white people ruined their lives forever and don't care). Anyway basically It's all boring. I guess part of it is that I am the only one of my friends that doesn't want a boy friend, and there is nobody that really catches my eye, so I'm sort of left out. The last time I had a crush on someone was more than two years ago which I think is a pretty long time considering that I'm 15 and I should be having a different crush every week. I'm pretty sure I'm not gay, I did go through an "am I gay?" phase but it turned out that no, I wasn't, so that doesn't explain my lack of interest in boys. I do think that certain guys are hot, like the young princes of Monaco, but there is more to it than looks...and that's money. No it's not, (yes it is), but seriously, I'm starting to think that I'm immune to love. Not that it's really a bad thing, sure I'm missing out on that amazing feeling of hope and soaring above the clouds, but I'm also missing out on the feeling that someone is tearing your heart out and smashing your head with a brick (it's probably worse than that but I wouldn't really know). The truth is I would rather be happy and care free (even if I am far from care free) than be obsessed over guys like my friends are, it really seems to break them apart. I don't really know where this is going...but wouldn't it be weird if i stayed like this my whole life?

Not Championship but ChampionShit.

2005-04-02T18:09:00.000-05:00

It’s been raining for a while now and I’m one of those few people who really love the rain, so of course I had to go outside to splash in the puddles a bit. I quickly put on an old grey-white t shirt, and tucked my favourite pair of jeans into my gorgeous Salvatore Ferragamo rain boots, it really looked like I didn’t care, mostly because I didn’t. With my hair in a loose bun and no makeup on I headed out looking very European country-side. I could have just hopped on a horse and galloped into the village to get some pain at any moment. I pranced outside and jumped into a few puddles, nearly drowning in one and then decided to take the European theme a little further and started to play some soccer. This is so European, I thought as I pretended to battle against Germany for the World Soccer Cup or what ever it’s called. After Germany some how scoring too many times I decided to play in the driveway and the front yard to give me more advantage (read: backyard a bit too small to be a stadium). I must have looked like a real pro, I bet everyone else driving by must have thought so too, they couldn’t have missed me if they had wanted to, I was the only one outside. I bet they were all cheering me on as I kicked Germany’s ass. It was getting close, one more score and the Cup would be mine. With amazing skill I sent the ball into an intricate pattern with my feet as I ran fast as the wind. This my glory! This is my CHAMPIONSHIT! Suddenly I was face first into the wet asphalt, my trophy melting away into embarrassment. I turned my head to see millions and millions of cars sitting at the red lights. I quickly got up and ran away very awkwardly because of the pain, trying to kick the ball with me but then giving up halfway. It was sort of mortifying, but luckily I’m over it...And it only took me three minutes.

"Crack is wack"!

2005-03-25T00:25:00.000-05:00

YES! Lent is finally over! I have to say, giving up crack was hard, really hard, but I made it through 40 very long days. And I'm proud. But now it's over and I'm collecting up my cash so I can sneak out and get some good stuff. Yes I know, I know, "Don't do drugs", "Crack is wack" (shut up Whitney, you freaking hypocrite)...but I miss it! I NEED it! Besides, I've really been packing on the pounds, withdrawal makes you gain weight like crazy! Just look at Courtney Love.
No...I don't do crack, but I gave it up for Lent anyway, it makes sense to me okay? I was never even baptized and I don't go to church so it means if everything in the Bible is true, I'm going to Hell anyway, so why not bend the rules a little? No, wait, God "forgives" so before I die all I have to do is feel bad about my sins and I'm good.
This all reminds me of this crazy church girl I went to school with, everything she wore had to be plain and below her knees, but that was a good thing because she didn't shave her legs. She had this crazy idea that anyone who was of a different religion (not Christian), homosexual, did drugs, had an eating disorder, actually any mental disorder, wore anything nice, or stood up for their rights were committing the devil's sins. I was SO offended that I came up with my own religion right then and there, RACHELISM. But then I decided that would be too obvious so I changed it to EVIANISM, because water is pretty important and I like Evian's logo the best. And then I decided the god should be my name and Evian combined, to make RAVIAN. Woah, that's completely fab. So I told her that her religion sounded pretty cool (I mean if this is what she believes in I'm not going to discriminate against her, well not to her face anyway) and I told her about mine after she had finished trying to convert me. Well I basically told her that RAVIAN is pretty laid back, so you can do what ever you want, except for hurting other people or being some sort of Nazi fascist because if you do that Ravian gets really pissed off and something really bad will happen to you. Uh, and when you die everything is a big cosmo party and you can eat what ever you want and not gain weight. Well I guess she didn't like my religion because she started to talk about performing an exorcism on me or something (seriously), but I was like what ever and went back to sending e-cards to my friends instead of doing my Geography project.

OH F*CK

2005-03-20T11:20:00.000-05:00

Wow I haven't posted in a very long time, I guess nothing has really happened to me, which in a way is a good thing. Well, except for my encounter with another insect. This encounter, was far, far worse than my encounter with a giant ant a while back, or when I saw a giant spider in my grandmother’s house a few years ago. The other day I had gotten off the treadmill after a nice refreshing run. I was feeling pretty good except I really, really had to pee (running will do that to you) so I pranced to the nearest washroom, which happened to be in the basement (where the treadmill and my Dad's exercise bike is, we call it a gym, which is pretty stupid). The basement washroom is always pretty gross, mostly because my Dad and my brother use it so it never gets cleaned. It even had a small colony of long legged spiders at one time, but they left after my Mom went crazy with the bleach. Anyway I opened the door and walked in, about to pee my pants, and saw something on the wall right beside the toilet. OH F*CK! To be honest it was probably the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Its legs were writhing and twitching out of its long, thick body. I saw a little tiny spider skitter away like mad as the creature started to turn in its direction. Legs were sticking out every where, getting longer and thicker towards the end, with giant, fat legs protruding right at the back. It was creeping slowly on the wall, and jerking in a sickening way. I just stood there, unable to move, I was completley stunned by its absolutley horrific appearance. It looked like a deformed and elongated spider, with extra limbs. The thing suddenly stopped moving and clung to the wall with some obvious effort, it was so huge that it was fighting gravity, even with its millions of legs. I cautiously backed out of the wash room, feeling slightly nauseated, and looked around wildly to make sure there weren’t more wondering around. I ran to the nearest bug-free washroom, which was a relief but the image of that insect (some sort of giant centipede?) was still alive in my head, crawling around inside my mind, my imagination warping it. I was scared it would kill me and feed on my flesh or something...Yes it was that big!
I told my parents so they both went down and looked for it in the washroom, but they couldn't find it. You know what that means? IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! ANYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uhhghh

2005-03-04T23:23:00.000-05:00

I have so much homework...I want to cry. I havent watched T.V. for TWO weeks...that isn't healthy. I have to write an essay and for some reason none of my previous teachers bothered to teach us how to write essays. Good thing my mom's an english professor...but still. I can feel my brain collapsing...it's not a nice feeling.

Sex Positions and Pregnancy Tests

2005-02-22T23:26:00.000-05:00

Today in fitness we had to do yoga from a video. It was brilliantly retarded, there was that extremely annoying music that is supposed to be calming and the woman looked exactly like Jerry Seinfeld, except blonde. What I have grasped from that video is that yoga is basically a way to perfect sex positions, the Jerry Seinfeld woman kept on saying "Reach your legs out farther, farther, you can do it!" which got the whole class pissing themselves with laughter. It was just so difficult to not take it in a sexual way, any way it's not like anyone was actually doing the poses (except the two dancers in the class) so it wasn't that bad, unless you want to see Jerry Seinfeld do them (haha pretty nice image you must have in your mind now!). And I must say, after watching that video I think I finally know all I need to know about sex. I went through the rest of my day like normal, and then proceeded to walk home. Since I have a very err...petit bladder, I had to go use the washroom so I walked into Tim Hortons (a Canadian food chain that you can find on every block, much like Starbucks) and went into the only empty stall which an elderly lady had just come out of. I shut the door and turned around when suddenly I noticed a small package resting on the toilet paper dispenser. I looked closer and noticed that it was a pregnancy testing kit and that there was still one of those tester things that change colour when you pee on them in the box. Hahaha that would be so funny if I peed on it to see if I was pregnant, I thought. Even when I know I'm not pregnant, there's always that surge of excitement that I could have my very own baby to dress up in little cashmere jumpers and read stories to. But obviously having a child at fifteen would be extremely inconvenient. Anyway I didn't take the test because that would have been really stupid and slightly disappointing. Besides, what if the lady who wanted to know if she was pregnant had simply forgotten the test and came back to get it and found out that someone else wanted to know if they were pregnant too? Uh yeah right, it was probably some girl my age about to make the biggest decision of her life. Wow, I hope she's okay...

AAAHHH!!!

2005-02-15T20:39:00.000-05:00

So much homework...
Ok I am adding more to this post because I would like to say how thankfull I am for sequins. Next Thanksgiving that's what I'm saying, "I'm thankful for sequins". Not only do they sparkle and shine, they can make hideously ugly things beautiful. Take my english project for example, we have to make a book with poems in it and I decided to paint the name (Teenage Bilionaires, cool name, I know!) on the cover with acrylics...uhh I forgot how hard it was to paint letters. Usually I'm not so bad at art, but painting letters is not one of my strong points so basically the thing looked like sh*t. So desperately I decided to paint XOXO on the bottom to make it look teenager-ish, but it ended up looking prostitute-ish, so to add some innocence I added a star which lifted it up a little bit. But it still looked like sh*t, so what did I do? I decided to put on SEQUINS! I am going to engulf the whole cover in sequins, or at least try. The moment I placed the first sequin on the cover I knew I was doing the right thing. Yes, this is looking much better now.
Completely off topic but I hope we have a day off school due to the weather tomorow. It poured rain all day and then it dropped below zero and started to snow at night. On monday (Valentine's) Nobody came to school because of the roads, it had rained freezing rain the night before, but the school board decided to not close down schools. Anyway there was only about three to four people in a class, so we did nothing which was fun. OOOPS...It's twelve in the morning, I guess I should work on my project.

Pachy

2005-02-10T22:35:00.000-05:00

Wow, my cat really wants to eat the pastry I'm eating right now. He's trying to pick it up and everything...my little boy's growing up...tear... Actually my cat, who is named Pachy, not Patchy, Pachy (I was eight and forgot the t okay?) has been trying to eat my food a lot, and I'm vegetarian so that's a bit strange. The other day I was eating veggie chicken nuggets with ketchup and suddenly Pachy jumps up out of no where and tires to eat them, I gave him a little bit of the tofu-chicken but he just came back for more and more until he had eating my whole meal. I ended up smuggling more into the library where he's not allowed because my parents spent all their money on it and they don't want him to wreck any thing (he likes to scratch stuff and knock down things like lamps, he's pretty strong). Another time I was eating a vegetarian borrito with cheddar cheese sauce mmm...and Pachy came back and stuck his face into it, which was really cute but kind of pissed me off too because he likes to carry dead things in his mouth. O yeah and he always tries to eat my carrots too. He never tried to eat this stuff before, the only people food he ate before was vanilla ice cream and meat but that's understandable because he's a cat and cats like milk and meat. Come to think of it, he only does this with me, maybe it's some powerful bond me and Pachy share that attracts him to my food. Soon we will be communicating with some extrordinary cat-human language. Or maybe not. But that would be cool. Anyway it's late and I have school tomorrow, which gets me thinking, it would be so much fun to bring Pachy to school! We would get into all sorts of hilarious situations and it could become an Emmy winning sitcom. It could be called "Pachy and Rachel go to Highschool" and there could be positive messegs in it, like "Pachy and Rachel Say No to Drugs" and "Pachy and Rachel Help stop Bullying". Yeah, I need to get some sleep.

Buenos dias!

2005-02-06T20:09:00.000-05:00

I hate Sundays, because when it's Sunday I'm always anticipating Monday. School does things like that, before when I was wandering around doing nothing I didn't care what day it was because everyday was blissfully the same. My days consisted of: being woken up by the smell of my mother making me my daily French omelet, eating the omelet, going downstairs to watch the Food Network channel until Ellen Degeneres was on, then watching Seinfeild. In a nice mood from laughing for one and a half hours I would go up and have a nice long refreshing shower with lemon grass products. After that I would go into my bedroom to dry off and read fashion magazines and then change into some ratty old clothes because I wouldn't be going out for another few hours. I would then proceed to steal a movie from my brother (who was at school all day hehehe) and go down to the library, turn the gas fire on full blast, and watch the movie and other DVD's on my dad's laptop. After a while the fire would make the place so hot that I would fall into a deep sleep and be woken up by my cat softly mewing at the door. Then I would change into breeches and boots and ride my pony, Tyson, kiss him good bye and head off back home and watch another movie or Seinfeld or Father Ted or Breakfast at Tiffany's. At around eight I would go for a walk with my parents and at around ten I would go for a run on the treadmill. Throw in some friends and a boxing class on the weekends and that was my life, pure bliss. Nothing was happening but I wasn't bored at all which in my opinion is the best situation.
I really don't have to be at school this semester, because I'll be doing the same year in Ireland next year, but I think it's good to get back into the school mentality. Plus I can get a head start on Spanish! Buenos dias, buenas tardes, buenas noches; uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, ocho, nueve, diez. I hope that's right, I have a test on that tomorrow. Going back to school isn't as bad as I thought it would be, it's almost like I was in school all year...almost.

My invisible friends

2005-02-03T20:57:00.000-05:00

Today was the first day of school for me in a while because I had been sick, and because the school I went to last year was full of crack addicts and Nazi symbols I got to go to a better school this time. I forgot how boring school was, I got all excited to go back for nothing, but I did meet some nice people though which was a relief because I didn't have to eat lunch alone. So all in all it wasn't that bad. Anyway, as I was walking back home from school I noticed this girl with long wavy blonde hair standing by herself talking, but no one else was around so I instinctively looked to see if she was on her mobile, she wasn't. Then I thought maybe she had one of those head phone things that are hard to see, but she wasn't using one of those either. She was just standing, all alone having a conversation with nothing. I don't know, maybe she was talking to her imaginary friend, but she seemed a bit old for that and anyway, when I was little and talked to my imaginary friends I didn't talk out loud because I knew people would stare at me so I just talked to them in my head. Who was she talking to? WHO? Was it some magical creature that I can't see because I'm not a blonde maiden or is she just schizophrenic? I hope she isn't schizophrenic because that would be really amazing that she was talking to something that is invisible, but I'm kind of mad that she gets to talk to invisible things and not me, that would make life really quite interesting. Maybe I should dye my hair blonde, can magical creatures tell the difference?

err...

2005-01-31T20:56:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting by the windows in the library room my parents spent all their money on, inspecting my toes because I have developed blisters for the first time in my life and I really don't know how to deal with them. Blisters are the strangest things ever, it's like some sort of cushion on your toe that hurts and looks really gross. My one toe looks like it has a deformity because the top of it is now bigger than my whole foot. At the same time as I am inspecting my toes I am also watching Father Ted, the hilarious antics of a catholic priest living on Craggy Island with three weirdos. So now I am inspecting my toes and laughing my arse off which is probably already a very odd sight, then add some ancient pajamas which include some very short shorts and I look like I'm visiting home from some sort of "special" institution. My deformed toe is such an interest to me a don't notice that someone is at the door. I just continue laughing on and decide to bring my foot right up to my face so I get a really good look of what's going on. My feet smell weird, too bad I don't have a foot cleaning machine. I mean they don't smell gross or anything but they do smell strange. Suddenly I look up to see a girl about my age waiting at the door, she was staring right at me. Oh my god! She saw me smelling my foot! She saw my giant deformed toe! She can probably see my underwear too because these shorts are so damn short! Why are these windows so big! I didn't know what to do so I just sunk lower and lower into the chair until she couldn't see me but I could see her. She looked sort of confused and she wandered away back into some car that was parked in my drive way and drove off. God, that was embarrassing. I wonder what she thought of me. Actually if I had seen her in that situation I would have thought Don't do that so close to the windows, I can see you too clearly and I don't want to see you smelling your foot because that's gross.

gotta RUN

2005-01-28T01:15:00.000-05:00

Wow...I should really get to bed. It's 12:15 AM. The problem is I'm just not tired, it's the chemicals in my adolescent brain, not me, I swear I don't do crack. Although I am on runner's high after being on the treadmill for over an hour. Runner's high is the best thing, especially because it's not illegal. In my opinion runner's high trumps every other high. Well not that I have experienced any other high but it's fun and healthy, you don't get that very often do you? In fact, most things in life that are fun are also very unhealthy. Like doing drugs, eating candy and riding on roller coasters... The first and probably the last time I have ever tried pot was so disappointing, I was expecting to feel so happy and joyful but nothing much happened. I laughed a bit but I do that anyways. My friends both got high...or is it stoned? What ever. The point is I didn't find it that exciting. Not as exciting as runner's high anyway. My friends were both saying "I can't believe your high for the first time!" and I was saying "Uh, yeah whatever. Do you want to something else now? Like RUN?" I swear I am this close--- to becoming a compulsive exerciser but then that would make runner's high unhealthy instead of healthy. I am actually very close to becoming a compuslive exerciser, the signs are all there:
I HAVE to run.
I would choose my treadmill over some really hot male strippers.
Drugs just wont cut it.
I hug my treadmill every night.
I sometimes fantasize about running.
I find excuses to run, like "Quick, I have to pee!".
I went over to my friend Steph's house a while back after being on the treadmill and the whole time she was asking me for some of what ever I was taking and kept on asking me if I was high on something. I would just answer "I'm high on life Steph! The gift of life is all I need!" I eventually told her it was runner's high and with great disappointment she said "I don't get runner's high..." Well Duh! That's because you don't run!
Actually humans were born to run. The reason we have bums is to balance us so we don't topple forward when we are getting chased by a big lion. I guess it's good that I chose runner's high over something else, plus this means if I'm being chased I have a better chance of getting away because I will be thinking "If I run really fast for a really long time the dumbass who is chasing me will have a heart attack or something and I will lose them. That will make me happy. Then I will have my runner's high after that so then I will be really happy. The two combined will make me ecstatic with joy." Now I'm good at that kind of math.

Snow Fairy

2005-01-24T13:39:00.000-05:00

You are like the snow fairy, she is very beautiful,
she has the power to make things beautiful, but
She is sometimes quite selfish, and spends most
of the time she should be using her magic
staring at her self in the mirror. Other than
the fact that she is vain and selfish. She is
a nice person, when she IS actually using her
magic, her powers are great, and she is very
helpful. Well that's most of the tings about
the snow fairy, can you relate to some of them?
You probably can, because that is what this
quiz is for!

**The ultimate Fairy quiz**(anime pics!) for girls, but if you are a guy you can take it too! !**being improved more**!
brought to you by

Rehab

2005-01-23T15:01:00.000-05:00

On Saturday me and my friend Monique made our way to our weekly boxersize class, we were supposed to be meeting Steph at the gym but we didn't see her there.
"I wonder where Steph is..." I said to Monique.
"O yah, I forgot to tell you, she called me and said she was too hungover to come." Monique and I exchanged knowing glances. Steph is always hungover, hungover a bit too much to be healthy.
"Steph is always hungover, and she is always stoned. We need to get her into rehab."
"Don't be stupid. Steph is fine, she doesn't do it that much." Monique told me.
"Yes she does! She's on something almost everyday." Which is true, as far as I know she goes to school stoned quite often and even horseback rides drunk or stoned or both, I'm surprised she hasn't fallen off her pony and snapped her neck in half.
One day, in about 20 years I'll be sitting in the back of my limo looking out on the streets of New York when I'll come accross this:

"Driver! Stop the car!" I'll get out of the limo then walk slowly towards my old highschool friend.
"Steph?"
"Rachel?" We will stare at each other in awe. One of us has climbed the corprate ladder and is now a multi-billionaire and the other never got to rehab in time to end her drug addiction and is now shivering on the cold, harsh streets of NYC. It's my fault! I could have sent her to rehab when we were just mere fifteen year olds and none of his would have happened! I will think. Guilt will overwhelm me and I will be forced to invite Steph into one of my multi-million dollar homes, get her cleaned up and send her to the most prestigious rehab centers in the world.
But alas, old habits break hard and Steph will end up going back and forth into rehab until I will finally have enough. I am a too compationate person to just leave someone to corrupt themselves so I will send Steph to live in rehab permantly, preferably somewhere that doesn't have any snow so she wont get too confused and think it is crack.

MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY

2005-01-21T13:14:00.000-05:00

I am typing this as I contemplate my future...with a GIGANTIC MOLE on my face. I noticed it this morning but I didn't think much of it, maybe it was just a blemish, maybe a scratch...what ever I thought it was I dismissed it. Then suddenly, a few hours ago I noticed it again, but this time it looked less like a blemish or a scratch and more like a MOLE. A little tiny mole I might add, but a mole none the less.
I'll be one of those scary old ladies, that wonder around with her cats and scaring little kids with my icy stare and enormous hairy mole.
"Get out of my way you snotty little kids!" I will say.
"AAAAAAHHHHH It's a witch! She's going to turn us all into frogs!!!!!" the children will scream while running away.
I decided to tell my mom about my mole, "Rachel, I don't see anything, where is it?"
"There! On my lower left cheek!"
"Oooh, well if it was a mole you would have noticed starting" She said, trying to convince me it wasn't real.
"I'm noticing it starting right NOW!"
"Well it's a beauty mark, lots of people have beauty marks. Look at Elizabeth Taylor, she has all those diamonds."
"Elizabeth Taylor is famous and has diamonds because she has violet eyes! Not because of some MOLE." I explained to my mother.
"But lots of people want beauty marks, it's supposed to be attractive."
"I don't see how a huge MOLE is supposed to be attractive!" Since my mom didn't know what else to say she just sort of wondered away. But that is when I decided I will NOT live my life with a mole, I will get cosmetic surgery!
"Mom! If it is a mole can I get it removed?" I asked
"Yea, sure if you really want to. It might leave a scar though."
"No it won't, plastic surgery has gone very far since they day of scars, It removes scars now!"
Well why should I stop there? I've always wanted a nose job and collagen injections in my lips, "Mom?"
"Yes Rachel?"
"Can I get a righnoplasty and some collagen injections in my lips while I'm at it?"
"NO!"
"Kiera Knightly supposedly got lip enhancements, and look where they've got her!"
"Kiera Knightly's lips look like duck lips, you'll look like a duck!"
"I like the duck lip look!" I shot back.
"Rachel, you can get your mole removed but that's it!"
"What if I break my nose and I get a big lump on it, can I get a righnoplasty then?"
"Yes, but you haven't broken your nose so not now."
"Fine..."

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

2005-01-20T14:07:00.000-05:00

I see my dreams as a chance to do things I will probably never do in my life, like meet S club 7, get nominated for an Academy Award or shoot somebody. But I had a very frightening dream last night. I was doing drugs, and not something like pot, I was going all the way with crack and LSD, which I've always wanted to try but never did because of well, common sense. The crack wasn't so great so nothing much happened, but I accidentally OD'd on the LSD...ummm something you probably don't want to do. From what I can remember from my dream I was first transported to a magical land where smells had sounds and sounds had colours and where there was lots of grass and bright pouffy things. I was absolutely mystified. After a while in lala land I was suddenly transported back to where ever I was doing drugs and there was a huge blue monster trying to eat me. I was screaming and screaming but no one came to help, and I felt more terrified then I have ever done in my whole intire life. I was desperately hiding behind things like couches and chairs but the monster kept on getting bigger and bigger and it kept on finding me. Everything in it's path became part of the blue monster until I was the only thing left. I let out one last scream until I passed out on the floor. Suddenly I woke up, still in my dream and thought Boy, am I stupid. I went and told my parents what had happened but they didn't care, because they were in lala land and were hearing roses like I had been a few hours ago.

Too Hot For A Name

2005-01-14T23:59:00.000-05:00

I have decided to take up kick boxing and my first class is tomorrow, I also convinced my two friends, Monique and Steph, to come with me as well. This is going to be so cool...soon I will be able to beat people up with the use of my powerful legs...HIYA! I can see myself now, fashionista by day, super hero by night. People will just assume I am French because of my excellent taste in clothes, and then as soon as I step in to my diamond and platinum over the knee boots suddenly a black leather catsuit with a cascading cape will replace my Chanel outfits and I shall put on my platinum and diamond tiara and I will wear my space age platinum and diamond sun glasses.
Move over Cat Woman, I'll be so hot I wont even need a name, people will just refer to me as "too hot for a name". Who needs a name anyway when they can fly? I will save the world from evil extra terrestrials by focusing my energy and sending lasers out of my dazzling boots. Then I will create a forcefield with my incredibly expensive tiara to protect the earth from this ever happening again, which will also fix the ozone problem. I will end global warming by lasering out all the pollution in the atmosphere and finding an alternative source of energy. People will want to make me a movie star, a singer, a fashion designer, a perfumier, but I will say no as to not over expose myself. Instead I will support the efforts of ending world hunger and creating world peace...
Rachel said goodbye to her current supermodel boyfriend Alex, and snapped her mobile phone shut. She had just finished shopping and was making her way back to her 5th Avenue penthouse that over looked central park so her and Alex could have a romantic dinner together to celebrate their one week anniversary. But when Rachel made her way up to her Penthouse she knew that they would have to postpone their dinner.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH" Alex screamed like a little girl.
"Tell me where Rachel keeps her haute couture gowns and I will let you live." It was Tiffany Smith, the head editor of La Mode magazine. Years back Rachel had become the world's It girl when all the designers had decided she was the best person to wear their clothes. They gave her piles and piles of gorgeous gowns, which made Tiffany extremely mad because she had been striving to become an It girl for her whole life (little did she know you cannot "strive" to become an It girl, it just happens). She was so angry in fact, that she accidentally fell into a pile of nuclear waste which deformed her DNA so she started to grow freakishly long nails, radio active orange skin and tentacles which came out of her ass. Poor Tiffany. Rachel's It girl status never quivered or faded away, which made Tiffany even more angry than she already was. She hid in her office for ages until she finally perfected her plan of throwing Rachel's It girl status down the drain.
"I swear! I don't know! I've only been seeing Rachel for a week! She hasn't told me yet!" sobbed Alex. Tiffany picked Alex up with one of her tentacles as Rachel opened the door.
"Alex!" screamed Rachel, "One second! I'll go get help!"
"She wants your high fashion clothes Rachel! RUN!" Yelled Alex as Tiffany dropped him. Rachel ran through the door way and down the hall and to the stairs.
"You can run...but you can't hide!" Mocked Tiffany, as she let out a menacing laugh.
Quickly, Rachel threw off Louboutin flats and pulled on a glimmering pair of diamond platinum over the knee boots. Suddenly she was transformed into her super hero alter ego, who was too hot for a name, in a skin tight black leather cat suit with a billowing cape, a platinum diamond tiara and matching platinum diamon space age sun glasses. It was time to save her hot supermodel boyfriend from the grasps of the evil Tiffany Smith. With lightning fast speed she made her way down the staircase and flew up to the penthouse windows. She smashed through the windows and shot laser beams at Tiffany from the bottom of her fabulous boots, they hit her tentacles and cut them off.
"Well I was thinking about getting them surgically removed" said Tiffany, "You have no Idea the amount of stares I get when I'm walking down the street." suddenly Tiffany's orange skin began to glow Oh no, it's radioactive! Rachel, who is currently too hot for a name created a force field with her tiara protecting her and Alex from the radiation and also a burn, wrinkles and skin cancer. Focusing all her energy she blasted Tiffany away with her super strong kicking powers.
"I'll get you next time! You and your couture Rachel, where ever you are! You were just lucky help came in time!!!!!" And with that Tiffany Smith dissapeared into the horizon.
"What's your name?" asked Alex in awe, as he looked up at the diamond and platinum sun glasses.
"I don't have one" and with that she sailed away.
"Alex! Alex! Oh my God! Are you alright? I ran to the police station but NO ONE believed me! Can you believe that? Did she hurt you what went on?" Rachel ran to him and gave him a big hug.
"Rachel I'm leaving you..." said Alex.
"What? Why? For who?" asked Rachel, slightly heart broken.
"She saved my life today," Alex replied, "And she is so hot she doesn't even need a name." And with that Alex cat walked out of Rachel's life.
"Damn, this is the fourth one this month. I swear I should change my costume to overalls and Ugg boots." Rachel sighed.

One day I will look back and remember the day it all started with a simple kickboxing class...

little squeaks

2005-01-07T11:54:00.000-05:00

Early this morning I woke up to country 95.3 fm which I leave on 24/7. Yes that's right, I listen to country music, you can stop laughing now. Usually the breakfast hosts are always lively and cheerful, usually I wake up to things like "Coleen loves Tim McGraw! Ow stop hitting me with your head phones! AAAAAHHHH!" but not today. Today I woke up to "-where the Tsunami created the most destruction. You can hear the horror in his voice."
And yes, I did hear the horror in this man's voice as he described what he saw around him, "There's just so much destruction. All there is are animals wondering around with bewildered looks on their faces. Looking for their owners and their homes." While he was talking I could hear a cat crying. It never occurred to me that cats cried, but it's little squeaks were filled with so much pain. I started to cried for that cat, who was lost and lonely, looking for it's family, it's home. I knew it would probably never find them, just like all the other animals searching for theirs. I wondered what the cat was thinking and how much it missed it's family and it's home just like all the other Tsunami victims. It's little paws determined not to stop until he found them and everything was ok, they would stroke it and feed it tuna because they were so scared they lost it and they had missed it so much.
I know they were only squeaks, but they were filled with so much sadness and confusion. I just couldn't help crying.

Dear Ashley Simpson,

2005-01-06T13:10:00.000-05:00

Look Ashley, I have something to tell you, that I should have told you ions ago:
Don't become a singer if you can't sing. This is one of the reasons I have never dreamt of becoming a singer, I can't sing, like you. Chances are if I ever did become a singer I would have to lip synch, like you. If I ever performed without lip syncing I would get booed, like you. Unlike you I understand that singing will never be an option for me unless I am singing very quietly to the radio.
Why Ashley? Why the hell did you decide to become a singer? You should have stayed on Seventh Heaven, they would have kept you on the show. It was a steady paying job Ashley! You don't just throw that away for a singing career when you can't even sing! You had things going for you, you acted and danced. You could have dyed your hair a nicer color (like chocolate with auburn highlights) and had a reality show about being an actor and starring in movies. But instead you dyed your hair a greasy-oil-spill black and decided to document your already over singing career.
You've screwed up twice Ashley, twice. The first time you got away with it, you made up a story about your acid reflux and people forgave you and you joked about it. The second time, when you "preformed" at the Orange Bowl (whatever that is), nobody forgave you. You sounded like some un-earthly animal dying in extreme pain. You were booed by the whole stadium, you should have just stuck to lip syncing. I know, I know, the sound system was failing, you developed a mysterious throat disease over night, your acid reflux was acting up (you shouldn't become a singer if your acid reflux contantly impairs your singing), I've heard it all.
Maybe you should disappear for a while, dye your hair another colour that compliments your complexion, get a nose job and come back as Isabel Simpson, the little sister of Jessica Simpson and Ashley Simpson, who committed suicide in a basement after she was booed at the Orange cup. This time Ashley...or should I say Isabel I think you should stick to acting. Play a little sister on a W.B. show, and NEVER sing again.
Love from,
Rachel

P.S. What was that pink thing waving out of your ass?

POISON

2005-01-03T22:35:00.000-05:00

On the day before New Year's eve I went over to Steph's house for another sleep over. Surprisingly her dog was completely calm, he just walked around looking for food and he didn't act like I belonged in his feeding bowl.
Since Steph's mom wasn't home I got to sleep in her room, which is across the hall from Steph's, it is not the same room I had heard her parents, um you know. I wasn't surprised they had done it in a different room when I found out what her mother was keeping in there. It was something that really freaked me out. It wasn't the decor, because Steph's mom is an interior designer so the room looked fabulous, the dog hadn't done some gigantic poo on the floor, and there wasn't some perverse object underneath the bed. It was something on the bedside table. A little bottle with very intricate handwriting on it, so small and fancy I could not read it, but it had a pretty big picture of cross bones and a skull, the poison sign. What's this? I thought.
I'm not usually one to snoop around, but if that bottle contained something very important and very secret she would have hidden it...right? Er...Maybe not. I picked it up and read the back, Smokeless, Tasteless, Colorless. Warning! Do not consume. This product is potentially lethal. If consumed call an ambulance immediately. Do not induce vomiting. Keep away from eyes, mouth, nose and any open wounds.
What? What does that mean? Well if you wanted to KILL someone it would be very useful. Then it hit me: The clear liquid that was inside that bottle was POISON! Stehp's mom keeps POISON on her bedside table! What kind of person keeps POISON on their bedside table? And another thought, what would they need it for? Who is Steph's mom planning to kill? Well I really hope it's not me. I went to check names of people Steph's mom might want to kill off in my head, well there's Steph, but what kind of mother kills their own daughter? Me, but come on, who's going to kill me, I always appear so innocent and caring. Steph's dog, he is kind of vicious and it's getting pretty expensive to put down animals. Steph's dad, Steph told me he had a crack problem and spent all their money, that's and ok excuse to kill someone...I guess, but I would prefer to wreck some of their property, less guilt. And since I don't know anyone else who Steph's mom knows that was it.
I really do not know how to react to this sort of situation. I guess if someone who is linked to Steph's mom dies, I could provide some information, but then I would feel unbearably guilty for never saying anything in the first place. Well I guess I will go and do what I always do in these sort of situations: Nothing!

The Sleepover

2004-12-24T20:31:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday (of two weeks ago) me and my friend Monique (I guess I'll let that present thing go, because she has such low self asteem I don't want her to feel guilty, and I'm too passive to admit anything's wrong anyway) went over to my friend Steph's house for a crazy sleep over! We were going to get drunk and stoned and jump off the roof! But since her parents stayed home it was an intoxication-free night.
It was a very interesting night none the less, especially since Steph's dog hasn't been "fixed". The whole time me and monique were running around the house to avoid beeing humped by a 112 pound dog called Dakota. Unfortunately when Dakota doesn't get what he wants he gets really angry so he'll start snarling and and barking and bearing his teeth, which is pretty scary. But he can also be really really nice, for like five minutes. I even remember falling asleep on Steph's couch one time and being woken up by her dog humping me. Very traumatizing.
We spent a while watching T.V. and laughing at nothing, but there was one piticular children's show that was beyond funny. There was this lady who had probably taken too many drugs in her teenage years and was now paying for it and a talking racoon. Anyway, they were making this...um...thing, we all spent ages trying to figure ot what it was and finally decided it was some sort of car with a cup on it, and they were gluing things on to it, like cups and straws. When the lady was gluing some straws on she was explaining to us that the straws should not move, then all of a sudden the racoon said "Don't move straws!" That was too much, I was laughing so hard I nearly wet myself! Just the way he said it. And it got me remembering when I was a kid, I would watch shows like these and think "What? Do they think I'm stupid?"
Then Steph changed the channel to this phone sex hotline, we tried calling it but nothing happened! It just rang and rang, Steph looked very dissapointed so we called phone one of her guy friends and left some phone girl messeges on his answering machine, except we were laughing so hard that it ruined the mood. Finally we decided to head off to bed, and since I was the only one with a sleeping bag I got to sleep on the floor. Unforunately for my mental health I was too close to the wall, which devides Steph's room with her parent's room. Er, lets just say I heard stuff that anyone under 18 should never, ever hear.
The next morning Steph was gone to get her braces off so me and Monique just sat and watched T.V. When Steph got back her Dad was saying something about the snow but we weren't exactly listening, instead Steph was herassing her dog. Dakota started to get really angry and bit Steph twice! If he was my dog he would have been put to sleep by now! Steph started to yell at him and he started barking really loud. I got so freaked out I ran upstairs and left monique behinde laughing her ass off. Suddenly Steph's mom started yelling at her really loud which was sort of surprising because Steph's mom is always really nice. O well, we can't all be perfect. Fortunately I was in Steph's room so I could laugh as much as I wanted. It's so funny when adults get mad!
Finally it was time to go home but when my mom finally made to Steph's house the mini van got stuck. It had snowed almost three (I think) feet of snow and we hadn't even noticed! We said goodbye to Steph and got into the car, excpet it could barely move. I think it took half an hour just to get out of that street. Smashing into piles of snow and trying to back up, and finally Steph's dad pushing the car out onto the main street. What a sleepover. It's like something out of the ***SLEEPOVER CLUB*** (except with out the R rated sounds since that shows for kids).
Anyway hope everyone had a good holiday! I just got back from a somewhat cappy time in Toronto, but I shall write about that tomorrow!

Presents

2004-12-20T11:34:00.000-05:00

Well I was talking to my friend Monique on MSN yesterday and I decided to ask her if she knew if my other friend Steph was getting me a Christmas present (sometimes she remembers, sometimes she forgets and I like to be equal) since I'm planning to go Christmas shopping sometime this week.
"I doubt it, you've only hung out twice since you came back from Ireland. I don't think she got you anything when she went shopping." Monique replied. That sort of confused me, we were still friends before but it didn't really bother me since Steph might be borderline retarded. Good, one less person to worry about!
"I guess I wont worry about her then." I wrote back.
"Don't worry about me either."
"Ok." And then trying to sound like she didn't need to get me a Christmas present I said "You didn't get me one did you?" (Since I knew she had gone Christmas shopping two weeks before).
"No"
"Ok you don't need to worry about me either." You should have already worried about me!
"Ok I wont."
"K, I just like to be equal" So we can both get each other nothing!
"Oh yah, can you ask Steph if she got me a present so I know if I should give her her present."
"Sure" You got Steph a present and not me?
"Yeah, we're like best buds now."
"lol" I can see that.
That hurt, especially because I felt as if me and Monique were exceptionally close. It wouldn't have bothered me if she had said something like "I've decided not to give anyone Christmas presents this year because I feel as if Christmas is becoming too materialistic." That would have been ok, but I remember her talking on the phone to one of her friends she constantly complains about, and saying "I went Christmas shopping in Buffalo and I got your present!" It's not even about the gifts, usually we just give each other some lip gloss and eyeshadow from the drugstore, it's about the reminder that we're all friends no matter what (well until university), and that we each go out and spend some time choosing the gifts. Things like this just make Christmas more depressing for me. I need to find some better friends!

Giant Alien Odd Coloured Poo Found in Canadian Toilet

2004-12-16T23:57:00.000-05:00

You know what I just realized? When you don't take care of your self it really effects other people, not just you. Take for example, my thirteen (I think) year old brother, who eats like crap. He eats tons of chips and fast food and other saturated fat, and when he is done in the washroom, YOU DO NOT WANT TO USE IT! I just visited the washroom to go have a shower after my brother had been in there for... a while. It stunk, I couldn't breath and I started choking, the cloud of stench started to sneak around the house. O god, my poor cat, Pachy! Cat's noses are much more sensitive than ours! I left, to go open the windows in my room, and waited there for a while. The smell had dissapeared somewhat, and it was getting really late, so I had to have a shower. I made my way in and noticed something, something so disusting that even the toilet didn't swallow it. Oh My God! I pratically screamed, I tried to flush it back down, but every time I tried the toilet said "Are you freaking serious? I can't dispose of this, it's too big and too contaminated!" Great, what will I do now? How are we going to get rid of this? It can't stay there forever can it? We could sell it to some tabloid: Giant Alien Odd Coloured Poo Found In Canadian Toilet. I didn't know what to do so I just put down the toilet cover and decided to have a very quick shower (I really needed one, I had just been running for an hour). We do have another shower downstairs, but it's like that Silkwood shower, and my skin is dry enough from the winter weather!

Nobody Noticed my flashy boots!

2004-12-10T22:34:00.000-05:00

Last Wensday one of my friends invited me out for some bubble tea along with some of her friends for lunch. I decided to walk, and since it was raining I slipped on my new Salvatore Ferragamo rain boots that had been fishing me compliments every day it had rained. When I made it to the tiny restraunt I noticed everybody was already there so I walked in, trying to show off my brand new boots.
"I am late? What time is it?" I asked my friend.
"It's twelve." She said.
"Ok good, I wasn't that sure how long it would take me to walk here." I explained. All of a sudden everyone at the table was staring at me in astonishment. This is the same reaction I get everytime I'm with my friend and company.
"You walked? All the way here? How long did it take you?" Asked my friend.
"Only about 30 minutes, it's not that far." I heard a woah coming from the rest of the table.
"30 minutes is far!" She said with a grin on her face. Ok, maybe If I had been running twelve miles per hour and it had taken 30 minutes, that might have been far, but I was only walking!
We waited for another friend (who also did not comment on my boots) and then ordered. I decided to have a pina colada flavoured slushie thing (called and ice dream, but who calls a non-alcoholic drink an "ice dream"?) and vegetarian dumplings (which were sooo good). So since no one was really talking I made it my mission to start a conversation.
"So how's school?"
"Good"
"Went shopping lately?"
"Yes"
"Cool! Whatcha buy?"
"A shirt."
"What did it look like?"
"Grey."
"Oh...Sounds nice."
Seriously, these girls talked about nothing! Not fashion, not school, not sports, not boys, not books, not movies, not other girls, nothing! We pretty much spent the whole time, not talking!
Then they said instead of going to the school I am going to for the rest of this year, I should go to their school! NO! I HAVE BEEN OVER THIS HOW MANY FREAKING TIMES? I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO THEIR SCHOOL!
"I know alot of people that said it was very socially competitive, and if you're not an 'A' student they don't pay much attention to you. I think it's far too academic for me." Ok, slight lie since I should be going to boarding school next year, but I have heard alot of bad things about their school, from other people that go there. Obviously they had never heard anyone utter anything bad about they're beloved school, and I suddenly felt really guilty. These kids all come from extremely over protected environments, and they also over protect themselves, by not even sipping some of their parent's wine and making sure they do a super duper job at school, and never exposing themselves to real teenage social situations. They wont even say: sex! Whatever, they didn't say anything about my boots! Finally it was time to leave, and after declining 9 offers to be driven home, I headed back, not minding the puddles because I was wearing my Salvatore Ferragamo rain boots.
(See next post: "Nobody Noticed my Pucci Snow Boots!"

BEST ACTRESS

2004-12-04T16:33:00.000-05:00

I had the WORST nightmare the other night:
My dream began with me finding out that I had been nominated for an Oscar (BEST ACTRESS)! I couldn't believe it! I frantically began to go over the things I had to do, get my hair and nails done, get a facial a week in advanced, hire a makeup artist, and the most important thing of all- find the perfect dress. Since my mom happened to be in Texas (I don't really know why) I had to take my dad to Holt Renfrew to pay for the dress. unfortunately he took one look at the prices and said "No way!".I argued and argued, pointing out that this was the Oscars, and I would not find anything suitable in Zellers (my Dad's favourite store). He still said no, and I left for home in tears.
Eventually came the day of the Oscars and I still didn't have a dress. I was in L.A. frantically looking for something to wear with my friend, Steph. For some horrible reason none of the shops in L.A. were selling any dresses, the horror! We finally came across a store that was selling ONE dress. The only problem was that it ended right underneath my bum and it was completely see through. Well I could not wear that to the Oscars, and I started to brake down. It was then when Steph said that her mom might have something I could wear.
For some reason Steph's mom was super rich, and had one of those HUGE walk in closets that only billionaires have. I searched and searched in utter desperation for a gown...anything would do at this point, but there was nothing, NOTHING! I gasped in horror as I ran through row after row of identical black Chanel suits. What kind of billionaire has NO gowns, no Haute Couture?! I thought, praying that something would turn up. Nothing did turn up and I never made it to the Oscars. Later on I found out that I had won the Oscar for best actress, but since I hadn't showed up it had gone to Nicole Kidman, who was wearing a gorgeous Chanel gown.

I live in a creepy place

2004-11-26T19:35:00.000-05:00

The other day I had absolutely nothing to do so I decided to take the bus down to the mall. I was waiting at the bus stop when a woman came and asked me when the bus was coming. I said I didn't know so she told me she was going to call the bus help line and that she'd just be over there encase the bus came. Then suddenly she disappeared past a clump of bushes and some buildings. Unfortunately the bus came right when the woman disappeared and since nobody could see her, the bus left. I felt a little bit guilty...but I didn't understand why she would disappear, it's not like there's any pay-phones around or anything. I sat down in one of the slightly dirty seats and suddenly remembered why I hate buses: there's always at least one creepy person who always stares at you, while you try to distinguish the lingering stench in the air. The bus took forever to get to the mall, for a while I thought I had gotten on the wrong one, especially when a bunch of ten year olds got on. I was very surprised when I heard one of the girls say "She's such a whore, she had to get an abortion." What is happening to the children of today!? I finally made it to the mall, except it wasn't the wondrous place of shopping I had remembered. Unfortunately I'm not that interested in super-duper mass produced items anymore, now I prefer to save up my money and buy very nice items that I really like and that will last. I had definitely not thought this shopping trip through and so I spent ages wandering around the mall looking for something more suited to my taste. After a while I found a really cute pair of pjs that had little black wide-eyed cats all over them. Eventually decided to go home so I walked out some doors but couldn't see the bus stop anywhere, it turns out it was on the other side of the mall. I finally made it on the bus and sat there until it reached the main down town bus stop, where the all little buses sleep (lol). The last people all got off, this isn’t right, I thought, the bus was supposed to take me back to the bus stop near my house, but it wasn't moving! I finally decided to get off since it seemed like it was going no where and proceeded to walk home. Where I live, downtown is not somewhere you would particularly want to be. It was getting dark so I started to quicken my pace, I had absolutely no clue how far away from home I was, all I knew was that I should keep walking straight. I started to cross the street but then a car almost crashed into me and the guy driving it rolled down his window, said something that I didn't pick up then winked and smiled in a creepy way. Walking down town, I noticed allot of guys about my age who looked really angry, and some homeless people that were sort of leering at me. I finally got so freaked out I started to run as fast as I could (thanks to the treadmill that is now possible without having a heart attack) just wishing I could be home because the sky was almost black. I ran and ran, finally I made it to my old school, which I used to walk to from home, it still wasn't a great area to be, but at least I knew my way around properly now. I continued to run until I finally made it home. Safe! At last! This whole predicament got me thinking, I think I should hire a chauffeur. I asked my parents, but they said no. One more reason to marry a billionaire. ;)

They still hate me.

2004-11-23T16:47:00.000-05:00

The other day I decided to walk over to my old school to retrieve my yearbook, which I had paid $40 dollars for and never got (the school never handed them out at the end of the year). It was weird coming back, everything looked so familiar but so foreign at the same time. You know when you come back to a place that has allot of memories, and even though you didn't think you were having any fun or learning anything useful you realise that you were actually having a great time and you really start to miss that place and feel guilty for taking it all for granted? Well that didn't happen for me. Walking up the staircase and down the halls I remembered all the bad memories. I mean sure the first two months were fun, but then one of my friends moved away and everyone drifted apart from each other. I then realised I was the only one not getting high at lunch time (literally).
Anyway I made my way down to the office and asked one of the secretaries if I could have my yearbook. She then proceeded to call a teacher who I had never met before ... lets just call her Miss Rude. I waited at Miss Rude's office and watched some of my old classmates walk by. I found it very heart warming that nobody had seemed to recognize me. When Miss Rude finally made it to her office I noticed that she was very short and chubby, with a mean expression on her face. But being the non-judgemental person that I am, I gave her a smile and said,
"Hi! I used to go to this school last year and I never got my yearbook so I was wondering if I could get it now."
"Fine. What's your name?" said Miss Rude, I told her and then she proceeded to flip through a bunch of papers. "I don't see your name here." She barked.
"Are you sure?" I asked. I knew I had definitely brought the money and the form in. I remembered because we had to hand it in during math class. I am severely mathematically challenged and so when I was the first person to bring the form in my math teacher was really surprised and he said "Everybody follow Rachel's example and bring your yearbook forms in!" And that was the only good thing about me that ever came out of my math teacher's mouth.
"I'm positive! So what do you want me to do?!" Miss Rude practically yelled at me."Um, well, can I bring the money in tomorrow or something and then can I get my yearbook?" I asked."Yep." And with that she pushed her way by me and stormed down the hall."Ok." I mumbled, severely disappointed that I still didn't have my yearbook. All I could think was: Why the f*ck is she so mad? I don't even go to this school anymore!

This is going to be a very interesting year...

2004-11-17T20:12:00.000-05:00

Being freakishly pessimistic really paid off this time. Well it turns out I can go back to school in Ireland next year after all! Yay I’m so happy, especially since I wasn't expecting it! I'll be doing the same year as I would be this year so technically I'll be older than everybody else, but apparently everyone in Ireland is always a year younger or older so I guess it wont be as traumatizing as it would have been over here.
But of course I simply must go to school for the time being instead of spending the rest of the year in California (thanks mom and dad)! My mom wants to send me to some rehabilitation school or something, she said that you only go three days a week and you get to work at your own pace: That would take so long to graduate from. The only problem is they only except students 16 and over, luckily I'm a year too young! After December or something I will be able to go back to a normal school when the new semesters start. The only problem is what school can I go to?
Somehow I have managed to know a large amount of people from almost every school in my town. First there is the school I went to last year, which shall be named Addiction School. I do not want to go to a school where the teachers purchase drugs from the kids, enough said there. Secondly there is bitchy people school. I went to middle school with these kids and was "friends" with them until the end of the year when I told them all what I thought of them (they really were mean, they teased everyone and spread rumours about everyone, basically made certain people's lives a living hell). No way am I going there! Then there is the new school, but unfortunately a bunch of people from bitchy people school moved over there so that is another nay nay. There are two catholic schools, but since I’m still not clear on the religion thing and two, almost everybody I used to horseback ride with go to both of those schools. We were all friends until I left to go train with a new go coach and stable, and ever since they have been gossiping about me. Apparently I am anorexic and got kicked out of five different schools in Europe for feeding my cocaine addiction and having numerous nervous breakdowns, caused by my manic depression. Wow, do I lead an exciting life (seriously, I thought they were joking, but I then realised they weren't when they all tried to team up and help me). So I don't really want to go to the catholic schools either. Getting a bit picky aren't we? So now I am down to two choices: The first choice may not be an option because my mom doesn't want me to go there because of it's bad reputation (um, the school I went to last year had a good reputation so I don't know how reliable that is). The other school has two people I used to know and I both used to horseback ride with. Luckily I got along with them pretty well and as far as I know they aren't gossiping about me. One of them is this girl who's really nice and likes to drink allot and the other is this guy who is like, Jude Law hot and who I used to like- allot (usually a guy who horseback rides wouldn't exactly be on the top of my list, but he's so hot it doesn't matter). Anyway my choice is the last school (even if Mr. Jude Law does have a girlfriend…but that can change, ok not really, I'd feel too guilty and then maybe I would become a crack addict and manic depressive). This should be interesting!

Life as a homeless person can't be that bad...

2004-11-10T09:16:00.000-05:00

It's official, my future will be nothing more than begging on the cold, unforgiving streets of Toronto. My mother has "kindly" informed me that I can't go to school in Ireland this year, and chances are they wont have a place for me next year. I was SO close to a real education, so close to having the oportunity of going to any college or universty in the EU I wanted (well providing I get in, I guess thats a big part too lol). SO CLOSE. But now my dream is over, I can't even beleive I was that close to it. I'll have to go to school here, a college here, I will never get to travel because chances are I wont be able to AFFORD to! I wont even be able to marry rich, there are NO rich people here. I can see myself now...wondering the streets freezing my undernourished ass off, looking for something to eat. I will look up and see that small children are frightened of me, just like I used to be when I saw a crazy homeless person.
Ok, Maybe that isn't very realistic, but you never know...Any I've just remembered my backup plan, becoming a chef! I'm pretty good at cooking, maybe I could open a pastry shop! Then maybe a slightly larger one accross town, see how that works out, start maing wedding cakes, I could make an ok amount of money out of that. Maybe even marry for love! Or maybe hunt down some billionaire. Whatever, I've got about three more years to figure this out.

I am so bored

2004-11-07T11:36:00.000-05:00

I am so freaking bored! And my computer keeps on screwing up! I think it is time to get a new one...maybe a Mac, my brother has one and it's so cool and it NEVER SCREWES UP! I have to write this really fast incase my computer decides to have another break down. My mom is bugging me to call my so called "friends". Who should I call? The ones that prayed that I would get so sick I wouldn't be able to go to school (they seriously did) or the ones who started a bunch of rumors that I was anorexic (which I am not)! Tough choice, how about no one? I was so glad to just leave and make new friends at school, but did that happen? Noooo. Now my mom thinks I'm in some sort of slump, which I don't understand because half the time she's telling me do nothing so I can recover and then the other half she's telling me to go party with my friends. Now I'm assuming that she doesn't fully understand the concept of partying, but that still doens't explain why she wont let me go shopping. It's not like I don't have money, I haven't gone shopping for about five months, so I've saved ALOT, and I could use the retail therapy. I'm so mad, now I have to spend the rest of the day with my "friends". All because my mom thinks I'm becoming "depressed". I have no clue what she is talking about, depressed is when you can't even get out of bed in the morning without having five shots of vodka and some happy pills. Not when your dancing around the house pretending your Cher! Seriously, she pepole shouldn't throw that word around. Any way sorry but I really needed to get that out of my system! I very much hope your life is getting on better than mine:)!

I HAVENT BEEN TO SCHOOL FOR FOUR MONTHS!

2004-11-02T09:01:00.000-05:00

omg...I am SO sorry, but I havent had access to a computer for about four months! I spent my whole summer going in and out of doctor's offices and finally ending up in the hospital because no one thought of ulcers until I had a camera stuck dowwn my throuat and the doctor said "Woah look at all that blood! It's like a fireball!". So I spent one whole florecent light filled week at the hospital...omg the worst moment of my life (lots of sotries though). I then left to go to school in Ireland, and after two months of people telling me I'll be there soon, suddenly the doctors decided I should go back home because I wasn't well enough. Why? I don't know, they wouldn't tell me! Any way I spent the whole time going to flower shows with my grandmother...two months of flowers ad old ladies is a very, very looooong time...especially when your grandmother has a very limited supply of electric appliances. Well I can finally keep track of my life again! YAY!

My brother

2004-06-14T16:16:00.000-04:00

Usually this title would result in something irritating my brother has done, but not today. I am seriously worried about him. Maybe it's from watching too much Dr. Phil but I'm certain that my brother is an emotional eater. I don't really see him that often, but when he comes home from school I always see him gorging down candy bars, rappers all over the place and then there’s no more food left for me :(! When it comes to dinner he is always coming back for more and more, and then swallows it in one big gulp, like he can never get enough, then its back to the fridge. I've seen him go from a happy little skinny six year old to a depressed over-weight thirteen year old who takes his pent up anger on his family, this is getting depressing. Looking back on the years he has never had that many friends, but was always part of a small group at school and had plenty of kids at his birthday parties, but suddenly in grade six that all started to change when he noticeably started gaining weight. He started to spend more and more time on his computer and less and less time playing and hanging out with his friends. That year I think he invited a couple of his friends for his birthday, I don't know how it went...I wasn't invited. He spent all last summer on his computer watching DVDs and playing games, and started to smell. This year he seems to be completely exiled from anything remotely social, never talks on the phone or spends any time out of the house. I know for a fact that he is having problems with the kids at school, I went to the same middle school last year, and kids like him suffered so much bullying, it was horrible. The other day he went to see Shrek 2 by himself, not meeting anyone or with my parents, by himself. I felt sooo bad for him, maybe he wanted to go se it by himself, I don't know, but I think it's sort of sad that he has no friends to go with him. Even worse, I think I may single handily responsible for my brother's social problems. The years of teasing and making fun of him have finally caught up with me/my brother...and now I really regret it. I was talking to my parents about him, I've been trying to explain to them that his behaviour isn't normal, yes, boys his age might eat alot, but they do wash (well all the ones I've met, seriously they all started to wear deodorant in grade four!) at least five times a week and do hang out with friends. My parents think he is all ok, they actually think if he had any problems he would tell them! Luckily it's summer but I think my parents should put my brother into therapy...he's even more screwed up than me! O well I'm going off to boarding school this September, I'm sure that will make him feel a bit better lol.
P.S. I’m very busy with exams so sorry if I don’t blog as often!

yay!

2004-06-10T18:22:00.000-04:00

Yes! After days of waiting in turmoil and a stress over load the letter came, I got into boarding school! And not just any boarding school, the best boarding school in Ireland (I'm also Irish, and been there so many times, so it wont be that weird for me). I'm sooo happy! The funny thing is, if you were to ask me if I wanted to go to boarding school a year ago I would have passed out at the thought of leaving everything behind, but ever since I started high school I've begun to think otherwise. The one thing I noticed was that basically all the teachers at my school (which shall remain nameless) were completely ignorant. If I wanted to know how to improve my grades they would all say something like "That's your problem, not mine" or "I think you know the answer to that" and I am not one of those hopeless students! I even had a math teacher who wouldn't give my friend extra help and told her that "You need to be extremely gifted to pass this course, and you're not one of those people so there's no point." She had a 49%, one more percent and she would have passed. It's not like we were in any special enrichment class either, just plain academic. Also, they all seem to not want to do their jobs, they even complain to us about their low salaries! I know they don’t get paid much and teaching high school kids can’t be much fun, but they chose to be teachers, right? Then the education system is horrible (I’m in all academic classes), we're still studying Canadian geography (since grade three), the math is so repetitive and un-organized, science is basically what we did last year and in English we reviewed things that anybody that speaks English should know (what are vowels and nouns?)! So basically I am not learning a thing, well actually the "health" system is very good, I learned allot...lol. Ok enough ranting, lol. Any way I started to think about my career goals and since I don't really have any I thought it would be best for me to get the best education I can get, because I'm obviously not getting it here. This is going to be so weird! I'm supposed to leave this September! Maybe I'll develop an Irish accent, like Madonna when she moved to England. Maybe boarding school will turn out to be fun, like in Harry Potter! Haha…..

sick (again)

2004-06-08T15:55:00.000-04:00

Wow! I haven’t posted anything for sooooo long! I haven’t been on the computer for DAYS! It feels weird to type again lol. Not much has really happened, to me any way. The weather here has finally gotten better, and I took my pony out for a couple trail rides in the nearby forest. Then yesterday I was feeling sick (seriously, I have been sick SO many times this year, there’s something wrong with the water, or maybe the drug infested school I am forced to attend), and I had to go to this chocolate cooking class with my best friend Amanda, we were the youngest ones there. Usually I would have been super excited to go gorge myself on chocolate, but not this time. There were other much older people there and we all took turns making stuff that we would later on be eating, such as white chocolate crème brule, chocolate icing, brownies, and fondue. I think people should know how much f*ing butter gets put into this stuff, you might as well eat a raw packet and sprinkle some cocoa on it, you’d be eating the same thing. Still feeling sort of woozy, I sat down and ate some of the fondue (just basically pouring some chocolate over top of small pieces of fruit and bread), which was sooo good I forgot about the butter and being sick. Then came the brownies, we each got one with icing sloshed on the top and yoghurt on the side, it was really good, but really rich and solid, which my stomach didn’t agree with even though I only took three tiny bites. I wrapped it up later for my mom so it wouldn’t be wasted. Then finally came the crème brule, I got to scorch the top of mine with sugar and propane which was my favourite part of the night (future arsonist?). Too bad this was also super rich, I wasn’t really going to eat all of it but I saw the chef watching me nervously out of the corner of her eye, so I tried to enjoy it, which would have been a lot easier if I hadn’t felt like I was about to vomit (sorry). We finally left, and I learned not to eat high glutton meals when I am nauseous, you shouldn’t either, they will be ruined for you forever.

Don't move! I've got chocolate sauce!

2004-06-02T18:48:00.000-04:00

hahaha by brother's in trouble now! It all happened when my parents and me got back from treadmill shopping (this doesn't include my brother because, well, he thinks chewing is an exercise). I walked up stairs to finish up on my English project when I saw the computer screen, IT WAS THAT STUPID CITY-BUILDING GAME MY BROTHER PLAYS, NOT MY ENGLISH PROJECT! I ran to the computer, desperate to find a way out and back to my essay, and tried to exit the stupid game, nothing was moving, the computer was frozen! I had no other choice but to re-boot the computer and search for my project, but it wasn't there! Nothing was saved! Suddenly I felt a towering rage within me... must get revenge, so I took the CD out and ran to the balcony, you must pay! and flung it down to the ground. Unfortunatley it didn't brake so I ran down the stairs, through the door and smashed it up with a rock. Still not satisfied I walked back to the kitchen to see my brother stuffing his face. Just looking at him filled me with rage once again and I started screaming at him, but the blank look on his face pissed me off even more. I grabbed my shoe and tried to fling it at him, like the little girl does to the multi-headed giant mouse in the Nutcracker, but my dad had gotten in the way and I missed. I needed to find something else to throw at him, anything, so I threw open the cupboard and grabbed to first thing I saw, chocolate sauce! I was about to fling the bottle at him when I had a better idea. SMOOOShhshOOOOIiiieeeeSHHHh, the thick chocolate sauce hit my brother all over his face and on his shirt! YESSSSSS!!!! HAHAHA Go me! Go me! Go me! My brother got so mad he started smashing into the walls while chasing after me, which caused him to smear the sauce all over the house, and once I was on top of the stairs I shot more chocolate sauce on him, he was covered in it! Hehehe, chocolate sauce makes me very powerful indeed.

Half way to 30

2004-05-31T16:22:00.000-04:00

O god, today's my birthday. I am now 15, fifteen! 15 years of my life is completely over! And in my opinion, I completely screwed it up. There are so many things I wish I had done, especially one time in grade six (I was 11), my teacher got so mad at me for not doing my homework that she started to yell at me:
"GET OUT! GO ON, OUT!"
I walked out side, and wasn't really sure where I was suppose to go so I just stood there by the door, in the raging blizzard. I was so upset and I felt like I had completely screwed everything up and tears started pouring down my face, then freezing to it. It wasn't fair! The kids that beat up everybody else got better treatment from her than I did. There was even one kid who put this little boy in the hospital, and all he got were a few detentions. Well I got five detentions, had to clean the desks, put up all the chairs and was now standing outside at risk of frostbite, all I had done was not doing my homework a few times, I did fine on my tests and projects which pretty much made up for it anyway. Some of the kids could still see me crying out the window, and they told the teacher that I was still outside (apparently I had been out there for about an hour), my teacher got one of the kids to tell me I was supposed to go to the principal’s office right away. Fine! Well I stormed away, super pissed off, and suddenly a thought occurred to me, maybe I could run away...not far, just to the end of the field where all the trees were, but far enough that they wouldn't be able to find me. I would be sheltered enough and would be pretty warm anyway. I stopped and thought about it for a long, long time. What would happen to me if I just left? I tried to turn but I could not do it. The thought of the unknown future terrified me, and I walked forward into the school. I will never forgive myself for not having the courage to take control over the situation. Sure, maybe it wouldn't have been the best choice but I think it would have saved me from allot of the self doubt I've had over the years.
Any way, after that little story, where was I? O yes, 15, half way to 30, which is half way to 60,which is half way to 120, which is half way to...well lets just hope they have that whole stem cell thing worked out by then!
Allot of people I know are happy about their birthdays, they have a big party and buy a big cake and open tons of presents, but to me it doesn't really work out. It's not that I don’t have any friends, or that I have maniac parents, it's that bad things ALWAYS happen during and around the time of my birthday. I can remember tons of times I had attempted birthday parties, but they all went down the drain. One time I was about 6 and was running down the side walk, tripped and skidded on the pavement in front of all my friends. They all laughed at me (nice friends) and it left me covered in blood and ruined my favourite dress. Another, more recent time I invited all my friends to laser-quest, but it turned out they were all mad at each other for one thing or another. I spent the whole time playing Dr. Phil, trying to fix their problems. They would all snap back and tell me to tell one another that they could go *@#% themselves. Eventually they all teamed up on me and said that I wasn’t being a very good friend. I “forgot” o hand out the goodie bag that year. Well so much for that. I stopped having birthday parties because they just ended up in disasters, but even then the bad luck didn't stop. Two years ago on my birthday, I found out my then-pony had hurt his leg, and it would take four to five months for it to heal. I spent the whole day hearing my coach and the owner of the stable that it was my fault and kept implying that I was a bad rider, even though the vet had said Twister (my old pony) had probably hurt it slipping in the MUDDY field. Twister was in so much pain and it was the worst thing ever to see him like that.
Well this birthday is no different, It is raining, I have some sort of flue and feel like sh*t. No one has called to wish me happy birthday (I call all my friends on their birthdays), I got practically no cards from anyone, not even my relatives while they gave my brother tons, with tons of cash included. I am talking to my best friend on IM and she has completely forgotten it is my birthday. Sorry for being so negative, I'll talk about my trip to the doctor later on, then my trip to Toronto (which isn’t really that interesting anyway).
Well I hope no one ever has to experience the crappy birthdays that I continuously have. Have A Nice Day :). Cheerio!

money money money...

2004-05-26T16:50:00.000-04:00

For the first time in years my parents are actually fighting, and they are fighting over money. You see, my mom really wants to send me to boarding school in Ireland (which by the way, I want to go too) but it would take like, half of her salary (nice school lol) so she asked my dad (my parents are surprisingly still married) if he could pay some of it too since he never spends money and she literally pays for everything, the trips, the house, my horseback riding, all he pays are the cable T.V. bills. Now in the past year I started to notice my dad never paid for anything, my mom was always taking out her cards to pay for things, ever since I can remember. Well if you even ask my dad about money he goes into this big rage and starts to act all vague, once I asked him why he never paid for anything he said "Because I have no money!"

"Well you make like, three times more than mom"

"Well all of that goes to income tax!"

"Even with income tax you still make about twice more"

"Well there’s more taxes!"

"For what?"

"For the schools and hospitals and stuff!"

"Well how much money does that cost?"

"I dunno!"

"Well you should know"

"Well I don't!"

"Why wont you find out, I mean what if someone's taking your money?"

"They aren't!"

"How do you know if you don't even know what’s going on with your money?"

And it went on and on like this until I finally decided he was addicted to crack, like my friend Steph's dad. He spent all of their money and they had to move into this tiny town house in the city, out of this gorgeous huge house just outside the country. I was really pissed off, but it made everything so clear, so this is why he acts so weird! But then I told my mom what I thought and she started to laugh and explained to me why he couldn't be a crack addict. So now I am very curious as to where the hell all our money is going, my dad has a responsibility to actually pay for things you know. My dad went on the internet to show my mom how much money he really has in the bank account, 12,000. Now this is not allot for a guy who makes WAAAAAY more then 12,000, according to this he has spent over 40,000 dollars in the past 9 months on what ever the hell he spends all his money on. Then my dad decided someone was taking his money...and my mom thought he should check with the bank to see how much money was actually taken out. Then he went all in a rage and stormed out. I highly doubt someone is taking his money, because it would have come to a shock to him and he would have said "Oh My God..." as he stared at the computer screen. My dad's an idiot.

blinded by something very ugly.

2004-05-25T19:44:00.000-04:00

Today in geography class something very disturbing happened to me. I was sitting there sort of evesdropping on a two person consversation that went sort of like this:
"We did it!"
"When?"
"At spare, I can't beleive we did it!"
"Did it hurt?"
"Like hell man!"
"Haha"
"She kept on lifting up her shirt and saying 'I can't beleive I did it with you!'"
"Good one man, nice"
"Do you want to see?"
At that moment I turned my head ever so slightly to see this guy lift up his shirt, he had a nipple piercing! And it wasn't just any old nipple peiercing, he had a really skinny chest so his ribs stuck out, and there were no man-boobs or anything, just this little tiny nipple and this big thing popping out of it! It was so gross! I wanted to barf. Usualy I don't really mind nipple piercings, I mean I'm not a big fan of them but whatever, but this one was seriously deformed! I the rest of the day I had this discusting mental image in my brain...

I need some pills....
jks!

Très Boring

2004-05-23T12:50:00.000-04:00

Nothing nearly remotely interesting has happened to me in the past few days...well actually on Thursday I missed the whole day of school to see some cheap and equally boring play, I wont tell you what it is called in case the team who did it happens to come up to this blog and find out that I think they're play sucks (I'm too compassionate for that). Although if I did tell you, you would never have the misfortune of seeing it like I did...o well, it was called Strawberries in January. I had a riding lesson that was really fun though, my coach let us go on a hack (a trail ride) through the forest and my pony actually had tons of energy and then after we jumped a course and Tyson (my pony) was jumping really well, with his knees up and lots of scope (if you don't horse back ride I'm sorry if I'm confusing you:)!).
Any way on Friday I was "sick" (fine I had an essay due that I had not done) and just relaxed in bed reading magazines and then watched The View and Oprah...Friday was a good day.
Yesterday (Saturday) my family went to Toronto for my brother's birthday, I stayed behind because well, me and my brother hate each other and it would be horror for the Toronto population if we both came. I was trying to plan to do something with my friends (the ones I actually want to see and are not dead beats go to a different school) but they were all studying for exams, unfortunately my school is not preparing at all for exams...which is quite stupid because they're only in about three weeks! I tried to study but got distracted by the trampoline in my backyard, and spent a really long time pretending I was an acrobat on it, until my neighbours came into their backyard and started looking at me funny. I watched T.V. the rest of the day and nearly died of boredom. Today I have no clue what I'm going to do, but I am feeling really upset, I think too much boredom is bad for my mental health.

I am seriously considering buying a small Island

Ants

2004-05-19T09:04:00.000-04:00

Warning: A little bit gory, not for weak stomachs

Well I was getting ready to go to bed, in my pj’s and face cream, when I noticed that the tiny door leading to my attic (which is in my room) was open. I got up a little annoyed(I would have left it opened but I get really paranoid at night and think theres evil things lurking up there) and went over to close it. As soon as I moved the door I saw something scurry on the edge of the door frame, IT WAS AN ANT! And not just any ant, a HUGE ant! I am serious, it was probably the biggest ant I had ever seen in my whole life! Well I have a thing about insects and creepy crawly things, whenever I see them I do this mini spaz attack, so I did the mini spaz attack, which is sort of a twitchy "get away" reflex, and when I was done I looked at it again. It was black and it looked like three berries had been stuck together and numerous legs had grown on each side, it sort of looked like it was going to explode and was round and shiny and grotesque looking eew. I could have slammed the door shut and that would have been the end of it, but that would have been cruel, and what if he had other giant ant friends that would come to avenge his death? Maybe If the food chain played a part it wouldn’t be so cruel and evil, I thought. Well my cat Pachy likes to eat bugs (it’s really fun to watch him jump up and catch little moths), so I picked him up off my bed and took him to the ant. Pachy didn’t really see it so I tapped the door to make the ant move a little bit.
Rachel: “Go get it Pachy!”

Pachy: “Meow, meow, prrrrrrrrr…prrrrrrrrrr”

Rachel: “Come on Pachy! You can do it! Mmmmm Look at that yummy ant!” (eew).

Pachy: “Prrrrrrr….prrrrrrrrr…prrrrrrrrrrr…prrrrrrrrr…prrrrrrrrr…prrrrrrrrrr….prrrrrrrr.”

Pachy started to lick my hand and then he left and jumped back up on to my bed. So much for that idea. Well then I thought I could close the door a little bit so the giant ant wouldn’t be able to get into my room but it would still be alive. Ok, so I pushed the door so it wasn’t open but it wasn’t closed, there we go! Just one more check to see it’s all right, I pulled the door open again and looked down at the ant. EWWWWWWWWWW it was half squished…(oops). Well this time I did this super mini spaz attack, ewwwwwww it was half squished, how disgusting! lol. It was sort of twitching and it looked like it was in pain, so finally I decided to put the ant out of it’s misery and slammed the door shut. Then I did the biggest mini spaz attack of all, seriously, I freaked my cat out, it was totally squished all over the door.... Then I heard some skittering on the ceiling. Skitter skatter skitter skatter. The giant ant’s giant ant friends were coming to get me, omg!!!! Ewwwwww, I don’t want to die this way, ewww what if they take me and start feeding on my flesh? That would be such a gross way to die. I always imagined my death to be tres chic, like being 105 but only looking 25 (thank you plastic surgeons!) and wearing nothing but pearl-covered shoes and custom made pink lingerie. I would lie tragically on the luxurious rooftop of my Penthouse until my lover came and found me and would instantly start sobbing over my dead body, I would die of natural causes of course. Yes, that would be a very chic way of dying. Then more skittering awoke me from my the chicest way for me to die dream, OMG!!!! I was having the biggest most distorted mini spaz attack ever. EWWWWWWW! Suddenly I saw something run across the window, if that was an ant it was FREAKING HUGE! It was the size of a squirrel!I will never live to be 105, the ants will take me down to their evil lair to their queen and she will feed on my dis-mangled body! Then a nother scutter accross my window,

O wait that was a squirrel… oooo so that was the skittering I had heard on my roof top. I forgot about the squirrels.

Aw!

2004-05-18T18:03:00.000-04:00

I want one!

You know what I say: "For a free country you need equal rights."
Well it took a while but it finally happened, gay marriges are now legal in Massachusetts! Or you could have come up to Canada and got married, and bought some pot while you were there. (Just for those pre-marital jitters!)

The Effects Of Madonna on Llamas.

2004-05-15T01:22:00.000-04:00

Just looking back on a few memories of where I used to horseback ride (I moved to another stable last year, long story and very boring) and I came across this one:
The owner of the stable me and my friends rode at decided to take care of a friend's llama for her during the summer. Me and my friends were quite intrigued by this creature because we had never actually seen one so close before. Any way we had lots of fun with this llama, whose name was Kazoo, getting him to jump jumps and stuff, but we never really got close to him because he was slightly crazy.
I had recently bought a pair of chaps (to horseback ride in) which quite resembled a pair that Madonna wore in a recent video (yeehaw!), the one where she is dressed like a cowgirl and rides one of those electric bull things. Any way the song was stuck in my head so I started dancing to it like the way Madonna did in the video, the whole hip action going on and everything! We had a good laugh until the owner decided to make us all retrieve Kazoo from his field so he could be fed indoors. We all became very giddy at the thought of what would happen, Kazoo was quite mentally unstable after all. Everybody was too scared to get him, so the brave Xena warrior that I am, I stepped in to the field to face what ever fate may await me. I started to walk over to him, talking soothingly as not to freak him out, but when he saw me he started to back away. I started to feel bad for him, he was a stunning creature after all and maybe he had been abused as a young llama, so I bent down to pick up some butter cup flowers that he could eat.
That was when my brilliant friend yelled out "Rachel! Do the Madonna dance!" It seemed like a good idea at the time, really! So I starting, swinging my hips in my chaps just like Madonna did o so gracefully, and suddenly Kazoo perked his ears forward and started to walked slowly towards me. It was working! After about a second he started to wiggle his little tail and then walked faster, this was such a cute little llama! When he made his way over to me his eyes were sort of bulging out of his head as I reached up to put his head collar on when all of a sudden he reared up and started towards me. HE WAS TRYING TO MOUNT ME! I HAD to get away, so I ran the opposite direction, but he was after me...omg omg! Must get away! I swerved like those animals running away from the predator on The Discovery channel, while my friends were all paralysed with laughter, this wasn't funny, this was serious! Every time I swerved, he lunged towards me, this was one desperately perverted llama! Then I saw my only hope at the far end of the field, a thick overgrown spot of plants and small trees, just big enough for me to squeeze through. I sprinted super fast and jumped into the mass of vegetation(see diagram below), I made it!!! Kazoo just stood there looking disappointed (eew) and walked away. I stayed there until my friends got our coach to bring him in for us. This was a very traumatizing experience, and I don't think I will ever get over it, I'm just glad I made it to those plants in time...
P.S. I love llamas! I think they're so pretty and sweet and they have done alot of cute things, like bite my brother, lick my hand and drop a flower in my hand, aww! But Kazoo was just a bad apple and does not represent any other llamas in any way:(.
Here is a diagram I made to show me running away...
.

All moved in

2004-05-14T20:50:00.000-04:00

I just moved my blog (is this moving?) to a prettier place because it was very ugly before. I think of it as moving out of some bleak, bland studio into an apartment in The Pierre. Like it?(ok all I did was change the template and add a picture but I still worked very hard finding out how to add a picture!)
Wow I blogged alot today, dont worry I did it in class at school!

little boutique down the road!

2004-05-14T18:18:00.000-04:00

I just found the cutest little boutique down the road, and the stuff there is so nice! The woman there was too tanned and had bad skin because of it and I took it as a reminder from God to keep that SPF on. Any way I bought this adorable scenery print skirt (not too unlike the Prada ones), a tiny pink tank top and the most stunning pink chiffon dress. I felt like some sort of fairy/angel creature in that dress and it almost convinced me I could fly (or was that the bottle of pills I had this morning?jks)! Anyway I left the store feeling sooo happy, I just simply LOVE shopping, even if it does leave my wallet empty!

The Funeral

2004-05-14T09:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday when I went home for lunch, I did not expect something as tragic and horrible as death. I had gone upstairs to reapply my sunscreen when I heard my cat yowling unusually loud. Poor kitty! I walked down stairs to see what the matter was when I saw it on the third last stair , just lying there with it’s eyes lifelessly staring into space, never to see again.
“Pachy!” (my cat) I couldn’t believe this had happened, again! Pachy had killed another chipmunk and brought it as a gift to us (very heart-warming). Well I praised my cat and brought him upstairs so he wouldn’t see me take the chipmunk outside (he wouldn’t understand) and decided it would be right to have a little funeral for the chipmunk. So I put it down on the ground (not with my hands, it was on a dustbin) and picked a nice place in the garden and started to dig with this rusty shovel. When I had finally finished digging I decided it wouldn’t be very respectful to just chuck it in the dirt, so I picked some grass and some forget-me-nots and lined the bottom with them. Throughout the garden everything was still as I lowered the poor thing into the ground. I picked up some dirt and gently sprinkled it on top of it, then said a little prayer, and then gradually sprinkled more and more dirt until it was finally buried, but something just didn’t fell complete. I came to the conclusion that I should make a small bouquet for the chipmunk, since my cat did kill it and everything , and I walked around picking the prettiest tulips and some other flowers. I eventually placed them together so everything was balanced and looked perfect and placed them down very gently on top of the buried chipmunk. I then kneeled down and kissed the ground, this was my way of saying sorry.

Frat Boys

2004-05-12T21:30:00.000-04:00

I am writing this as my mom is blasting her WorldWarII time music which is actually quite pleasant.
Any way, the other day I was walking back to school as I had gone home for lunch. It was very hot so I took off my baby blue zip-up shirt and revealed my (low neckline) tank top. You would be surprised how many perverted old men take walks at lunch time. The sun was beating down on me and was making me feel very tired and put me in a sort of trance, my legs were walking but my brain was sleeping, it was very relaxing. I was pleasantly walking along when all of a sudden I heard guys driving past me yell "OOOOOOOOO!!!!!" I jumped, momenteraly terrified and looked to my left to see a bunch of frat boys pointing and grinning at me as they whizzed past. I'll admit I was slightly flattered, but more discusted than anything. What happened to the good old days when males addressed women as miss and opened doors for them? This isn't the first time I have gotten unwanted attention from older-than-me males, but I usually snap back with extremely rude comments that shut them up (ei. go fuck yourself, you know no one else will) but this time they were gone before I could even open my mouth. Maybe this is why I prefer gay males, straight ones are so vulgar.

Don't you think this is cheating?

2004-05-12T19:42:00.000-04:00

Well recently I was talking to my good friend Monique on msn and she asked me to re-add Steph onto my msn list, Steph is a girl I was very good friends with last year in middle school (she was also such a bitch but I put up with her, big mistake) and then I got in a "fight" with her on msn around last december (I was so sick of her and besides we go to different schools now so it wasnt a big deal) and deleted her off my list. Any way, I re-added her yesterday and today we were both on at the same time today so we started chatting. We caught up on each other's life, how school was and how horseback riding was, and then we came to clothes. Now I like to think I have a very chic sense of style very un-like girls my age who dress like prostitutes (like Steph). I usually wear black ballet flats and good jeans and a cute top with a nice handbag(matching, of course), I have some nice designer items too, but usually only wear them for something nice. Anyway, Steph has a sort of "gangsta" style as she likes to call it, she dresses like the girls in rap videos. Then she asked me if I had any thing Louis Vuitton, I said yes, a blue mini monogram tote which my mom brougt me back from London, Steph said she had some too a "3 Louis Vuitton bags, scarf, belt, hat keychain and viser" I thought this was a bit odd, considering she recently had to move into a smaller house and all this stuff would probably add up to way over a thousand dollars. Then she said she had a pair of Gucci Air Force Ones and her Louis Vuitton shoes were also Air Force Ones. Now, Air Force Ones are Nike basketball shoes, so I was pretty sure her shoes were probably rip off fakes and this led me to asking her where got these shoes. Steph showed me this webstie: http://www.frozenfashions.com and I noticed something, the designer items were all like 90% cheaper than they should be. Plus the Air Foce Ones were shipped from a factory in China:http://www.frozenfashions.com/cat_custom.cfm Yes I know the vendors on the corner sell fake bags but the thing is, everybody knows they're fake so it doesnt really take away value from the actual product, but these are being adverstised to people as real which totally takes away from the value and nobody will think anything special of the craftmenship. This is pissing me off so much! I know I sound so conservative, but I just don't think it is fair to advertise it as "real" when it isnt.

I want to be a rich only child.

2004-05-11T19:24:00.000-04:00

I hate my family so much! School was boring, as usual, home was pretty bad though. My practically deformed obese brother (eew) attacked me when I asked him to leave me alone to make my smoothie,he was just hanging around to bother me,and he freaked out and started spazzing out and started to attack me, well I had no other choice to grab the two bread knives to drive him away, well when he would not go away I started to pretend attack him (you know like in the movies) I know it was dangerous but he was a really angry and a 5'4 180 pound 12 year old (yes he's twelve and he'll die of high cholesterol at 20) has a slight advantage because he can sit on me (5'3,110). Any way big fight and my poor cat was terrified because my brother nearly stepped on him five times, I chased fatso away, but not before he threw his glass of water at me and missed by a few miles (I guess being morbly obese gives you a disadvantage aim-wise). It smashed on the floor. Then my dad came and decided not to pay for my extravegant mother's day gift that I wanted to give to my mom so she would stop hating me (I would pay, but since I am alone saving up for college I can't, my parents think that I am retarted, even though my grades say other wise). I told him that morbly-obese child threw the glass at me and it smashed on the floor and I offered to clean it up, he was like I'll clean it up, and then told me I should be cleaning it up, even though I offered to before, what the hell? Any way my mom comes home and since my parents adore him and despies me, my mom yells at me and says my brother has cuts on his hands because I was attacking him with knives. I want to get one thing straight, the knives did not reach within five inches of him, ok? Any way I had no choice but to deny everything, but then my mom was like "then why does he have cuts on his hands? he didn't do it himself!" (I would have) and now she hates me even more and blah blah blah. Do you know how hard it is to stay away from drugs right now? Being clinical is not easy, you hate everything and feel so horrible (don't worry I'm seeing the doctor), I almost took some stuff out of the bathroom last night but I didn't know what it was because the label was so worn that I decided it would be a bad idea. Any way I wish I was a rich only child for obvious reasons, very rich, like billionaire rich.

I think I might be clinical...

2004-05-10T17:10:00.000-04:00

Holy crap, today was the most deppressing day ever! I was like, omg, I want to slit my wrists! Any way, the whole day I felt fat and ugly and wished I was rich so I could make my self un-ugly (yes, you can do that). I havent gone shopping for SO long because I feel so fat, the last time I went shopping was about 6 months ago, but I've saved up so much money I now have $950.00 and I am only 14 and have no job (I am NOT working for minimum wage ok?). I am dying of a freaking shopping defitiancy! God, I did not know adolesance was so tough, no wonder every body my age has some sort of problem, let it be eating disorders or a drug addiction or depression, we really are seriously screwed up. Any way, in my last class which is geography, are teacher went on about how the enviroment is so screwed up, and then he told us about all these kids that died because this shit company buried toxic waste right next to a school. I was so traumatized after that, I felt sick (you know when you hear something horrible like 9/11 and you feel like you're about to throw up?). Any way, I seriously want some pills, everything is making me sad! And today I found this creepy homeless person sitting on the side of the street, and I live in a small city! Then I noticed more homeless people! ARRRRGHHHH, lol I am so frustrated!
P.S. I really want the Dior girly logo saddle pouch, which I am going to buy, also a Louis Vuitton multi-colour planner/diary so I wont forget what I have for homework.

What the hell?

2004-05-03T18:49:00.000-04:00

"What the hell?" was the question I asked while discovering the pictures and stories of what the British and American soldiers are doing to their Iraqi prisoners. Seriously, I thought the whole point of going into Iraq was to get rid of Sadam so they're wouldn't be any more torturing of the Iraqis. I didn't agree with the war, I was pretty sure is was to just get oil and Bush chose the wrong solution (I can't say that I was surprised though). And now we find out that the troops over there are torturing them? Seriously, what the hell? I took this from http://www.empirenotes.org/ which has pictures too, I'm not going to post them because I don't know how, but take a look, I think everyone should see them.
I find that the intentional abuse of detainees by military police personnel included the following acts:

Â Punching, slapping and kicking detainees; jumping on their naked feet.

Â Videotaping and photographing naked male and female detainees.

Â Forcibly arranging detainees in various sexually explicit positions for photographing.

Â Forcing detainees to remove their clothing and keeping them naked for several days at a time.

Â Forcing naked male detainees to wear women's underwear.

Â Forcing groups of male detainees to masturbate themselves while being photographed and videotaped.

Â Arranging naked male detainees in a pile and then jumping on them.

Â Positioning a naked detainee on a box [of meals ready to eat], with a sandbag on his head, and attaching wires to his fingers, toes and penis to simulate electric torture.

Â Writing "I am a Rapest" (sic) on the leg of a detainee alleged to have forcibly raped a 15-year-old fellow detainee, and then photographing him naked.

Â Placing a dog chain or strap around a naked detainee's neck and having a female soldier pose for a picture.

Â A male MP [military police] guard having sex with a female detainee.

Â Using military working dogs (without muzzles) to intimidate and frighten detainees, and in at least one case biting and severely injuring a detainee.

Â Taking photographs of dead Iraqi detainees.

In addition, several detainees also described the following acts of abuse, which under the circumstances, I find credible based on the clarity of their statements and supporting evidence provided by other witnesses:

Â Breaking chemical lights and pouring the phosphoric liquid on detainees.

Â Threatening detainees with a charged 9-millimeter pistol.

Â Pouring cold water on naked detainees.

Â Beating detainees with a broom handle and a chair.

Â Threatening male detainees with rape.

Â Allowing a military police guard to stitch the wound of a detainee who was injured after being slammed against the wall in his cell.

Â Sodomizing a detainee with a chemical light and perhaps a broomstick.
This is just discusting, honestly, what is this world coming to?
check out http://www.empirenotes.org/ for more info.

Any way all day I was in SUCH a bad mood today, probably because I woke up and the first thing I thought of was the torturing of Iraqi prisoners. So I got up, then decided it was too early and cold to be awake and then got back in bed. Then my mom came up yelling at me to get up (by the way I'm only 14 and in grade nine, I'm not some sad 30 year old that still lives with my perants) and so I got up, had a shower, got dressed, did my make-up, and got in the car. My mom drove me and I ran up the pavement stairs up to the school, god, waht a freaking ugly school. I walked through the doors and heard the national anthem, I am late, o well. Well I barely made it through my day, willing myself to care about the effects of media on adolescents (It still doesn't make me want to buy Dr. Pepper, ew), le francaise (that's actually important because I want to be a fashion designer, or just marry rich, either way french is important) and why M=slope and y=mx+b and b=y (who ever came up with math should be drug into the street and shot). Well I went home for lunch like everyday, ate three grape fruits and watched the View (I know what you're thinking, "get a life" well at my school everyone's life is drugs, literally, that's why everyone gets along, because they're all stoned, so I'd rather find out more details about Star Jones' fiance than take a hit of coke). Then I spoke to my my ADORABLE cousin, I'm serious he is the most beautiful child I have seen in my life, he could be a child model, his eye lashes are like a mile-long (jelous lol)! Any way he just turned five so I wished him happy birthday and spoke to my other cousin who is 7. They're Irish and apparently it's super warm over there while it's freezing cold over here. Any way that basically made my day, I only had one more class which is geography(honestly, when I am ever going to use Canadian geography in my life any way?). So my teacher talked to us about his trip to New York, and how he got to visit the most expensive hotel in New York, and he told us his amazement when there was a man in the toilets who cleaned up for you and such, WOW that is something I would never expect in an Upper East Side hotel (sarcasm). Any way then he just babbled on about how we're killing the earth, it's actually quite sad, but it's just annoying when he talkes about it. And then today I noticed even more white trash than usuall in my naighbor's back yard. I'm not one to spy on other people, but it's just hard to ignore seven full fledged mullets. :)

Movie Reviews

2004-05-02T11:25:00.000-04:00

I have recently seen two movies and I am going to tell you if you should see them or not.
On Friday I saw Whale Rider, starring Keisha Castle-Hughes (who was nominated for an Academy Award for best actress). This movie is almost magical, it really tells a story, in a way a legend would be told. Kiesha plays Pai, who's mother and twin brother both die during birth. Pai has broken the chain of chiefs, because she is a girl and girls cannot become chief. Pai struggles to prove to her grandfather and the rest of her tribe that she is strong enough to become a leader, while her grandfather sets up a school for boys to train them for becoming the new cheif. Go see it if you havent already, it's brilliant.
Last night I saw Mean Girls, starring Lindsay Lohan. This movie was actually sort of funny, I wasn't too interested in seeing it but my friends wanted to see it so I was just like what ever. When Cady (Lohan) comes back from Africa (where she was home-schooled) to a real high school she finds that all these people are really screwed up (on my judgement anyway). First, she meets this girl who I thought was gay but I guess wasn't and this guy who is supposed to be the stereo-type gay guy (a la Jack of Will & Grace) but is fat and dresses really badly but says fabulous allot, this actor can not portray a gay guy. Any way Cady gets invited to sit with the popular girls who for some reason are very, very stupid but dress well (yay!). For some reason they all have very big breasts for 16 year olds. They all lie behind each other's back and blah blah blah. This movie does have some truth in it, I mean the stuff that happens in the movie does happen in a real high school, except that the movie forgot the drugs, sex, shoplifting, sexual harassment, eating disorders, and god knows what else that really does happen in a real school that I’m not aware of. It was pretty good though, but wait till it comes out on DVD.
Any way I had a great day, after the movie we went to this cute little place at the university plaza (not as bad as it sounds, lots of ethnic foods and stuff) and I had bubble tea for the first time (not really tea, just like a smoothy with jello in it, it's sooo good though!). The we got back to their house and stayed up with their mom (she’s cool don't worry) and family friend Claire who sported numerous piercings, a shaved head and a nurse's outfit. We read magazines and prank called this guy called Stuart, we also found an add in a magazine for a thing called the "Nipplette", don’t ask, and we laughed for like 30 hours. Then we watched MadTV and then watched Cheaters(haha we’re so sad), then at 12:30 Claire drove me home, because she was going that way any way, I waved good bye and went in the ALREADY UNLOCKED back door.

You never know

2004-05-01T13:51:00.000-04:00

Yesterday at school we had an assembally at 8:15, way too early to even think, so we were all shunned out of our classes and into the auditorium. Trying to keep up with my friends, who for some reson are very energetic in the morning, I walked into the symphony-like room and sat down in one of the crappy chairs. All of a sudden some fat kid comes up and sits beside me in the last chair on the edge of the row. I looked over at him and noticed he's that dumb guy in my french class. He turned his head over and started to brag to his friends about the ''great hits of coke'' he had last night, so thats why he's so dumb. Well as he was yapping on and on to his drug addict friends the lights began to dim and the princepal or somebody yelled into the microphone for us to all shut up. Nobody listened to him so he got angry and whined about his job. One by one people stopped talking and he introduced a nurse to us. O great, not another STD assembally. Well it turns out it isn't an STD assembally after all (thank god) but an ''accident prevention'' assembally. So the nurse talks about how we can prevent ourselves from doing stupid things by thinking (I thought that was called common sense), and blah blah blah. Then she said that someone would like to talk to us, and a 25 yr. old guy walks up with his mom helping him because he was shaking quite at bit, and then he walked over, now shaking even more and holding on to one of those wheely walker things old ladies have to help them walk. He finally made it over to the end of the stage and sat down. ''Hi everybody!'' he said, but his voice was very slurred so it was hard to understand, ''Hi!'' said the students all together. I think everybody, even the coke guy sitting beside me knew that he had been in some sort of accident that left him disabled. He told us that 8 years ago he went to the same school we did, and he started to sing our school song. Everyone else was singing (I didnt though, I don't know the words, so I just clapped along), when I heard laughing behind me, ''Haha, a retarded persons singing hahaha,'' I whipped my head back and gave this acne coevered boy the dirtiest look I have ever made in my life, and his face turned even redder than the spots on his face. How discusting, what sort of person says something like that? Does he really want to go to hell when he dies? Well the guy on the stage started to tell us about his accident, he was in a crappy car and the weather was very bad, he had let his girlfriend drive but he shouldn't have because she had just got her liscence. He had broken some bones but he had major brain damge (it didnt leave him retarted, but he had some sort of connection thing wrong with his brain). He then showed us pictures on the huge screen at the front, of him after his accident. He told about how he was in a coma for 3 months and when he woke up he was so weak he couldn't eat or breath, so they had to hook him up to a resporator, and his mom fed im mushed up cheesies but alas, he does not like cheesies. He taught us about the three C's, um i think they were Connect? Critque and Create a situation to make sure it is safe and stuff. It was really heart breaking, and alot of people were crying, even though he was so up-beat. After wards he asked if there were any questions, and nobody answered, then he was like come on, there must be some questions! Somebody asked him if his girlfriend died, luckily no she didnt, she just had a knock on the head but she was really damadged emotionally, but who wouldn't be? Then someone aksed him a completely unappropriote question, are you and your girlfriend still together? OMG! HOW CAN YOU ASK THAT QUESTION? WHAT HAVE YOUR PARENTS TAUGHT YOU? No, they weren't still together, but these things happen. That was tough hearing him say that, because he actually sounded sad, and to make it worse there was a big awwwww after that. God I hate this school. After the guy's presentation, the nurse came back up and said ''You know, at another school where we came to talk to them about safety, a girl in the front row said that she hoped nothing like this would ever happen to her or her friends and family, and the next day her and her friend were both killed in a car crash. You should know that hope is not enough to keep you safe.'' Woah, what did you say? That is freaky! She actually died? I was so shocked, and that just made the day even more depressing.

2004-04-29T17:50:00.000-04:00

Hello. Well I'm just starting this blog up and I have no clue what I'm doing, but I have no one to do it for me.