stuck in the snow

It's very cold

Monday, July 11, 2005

My bike ride

Today I decided to take my mom's bike out for a ride since I had nothing better to do. My mom likes to buy really old bikes after they have been fixed up, unfortunately, they always fall apart in about a month so she always has to go buy new ones. I don't have a bike for some reason. The bike is some racing bike from the 70's and it was a very unpleasant compared to a mountain bike, the kind that don't hurt you butt and pelvic region. Any way I was toddling around the trail, and I noticed that the other bikers had amazing legs, long and toned, the kind that actually look good in spandex. Hmmm, that could be me one day. Actually my legs aren't that bad, except for the fact that my left calf is fatter than my right because I had a stupid running injury and now I have a lot less muscle definition in my left leg, it's only noticeable to me, but I guess that's the way it always is.
As I was biking, I came to the decision to buy my own bike, a mountain bike with one of those gel seats, because my ass was really starting to hurt. I was passing a whole range of people down the trail thingy, including two child prostitutes. They were about 7, with thick black eyeliner smudged over their eyes, cheap skanky clothing and stuffed bras (or illegal implants). As they walked together, arms linked, the shorter blonde gave me a dirty look. Probably something to do with the crappy bike I was riding. I noticed how out of place breasts look when there is no hip development whatsoever, which is probably derived from me being pissed off that a seven year old managed to have bigger tits than me. After the child prostitute encounter I headed onwards...until little tiny bugs started to attack me. Crap!!!! I clumsily turned my bike around, and raced out of the bug forest and then decided to head back home, mainly because of the excuciating pain my butt was enduring. Ow, it's so painful. I raced back home but halfway there I was forced to slow down because of a clump of laughing boys (the old kind). That smells fimiliar... I suddenly realized that they were smoking pot, in front of everyone in broad daylight. I smiled with pride, Canada is the only country where you can commit midly illegal crimes and not get in trouble because everyone is too passive and embarrassed to do anything. Oh, Canada. I passed the child prostitutes again too, and received another dirty look, but to give them a break, I'd be pissed off if I was a child prostitute. I finally made it home just before my ass outwardly screamed for some morphine injections. I seriously bet that every bike racer in the world has butt implants.


At 7:38 am, Blogger Jon said...

Jeez. I know child prostitution exists in the world, but I wouldn't have guessed you'd see it on the STREET in Canada. Totally evil and wrong.

At 1:44 pm, Blogger Wayne said...

You know, I used to bike a lot when I was younger. - After my mom bought me a hard-ass seat bike in Jr. High, i just stopped.
It made my butt hurt like crazy.
I've even tried to tie a pillow ontop of the seat, but didn't work.

Eventually, we sold the bike at Garage Sale....and I've not been on a bike since....

At 10:15 pm, Blogger Rachel said...

jon: Well, I don't know if they were actually child prostitutes, but they looked alot like them. I suppose they could have been children dressed like sluts.
wayne: I got a new bike and I bought a gel seat thing. It helps and my butt doesn't hurt as much, but for some dumb reason my knee is hurting from the bike so I guess this is it for me too.

At 2:02 am, Blogger joe said...

child prostitutes? nah... or maybe they're not really 7. we only have the grown up kinds around where I live. haha

get the gel seat, apparently they're much more comfy. oh, and yeah, it's Canada all right when you walk by a cloud of scented leaves. hehe

At 3:18 pm, Blogger Seven said...

I haven't been on a bike since I was about 7 years old...maybe you should have offered them a

I only wish where I am from that we could smoke pot on the streets and not get brutalized by the police...Oh Canada!

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