stuck in the snow

It's very cold

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Bored and Love

God, I am so bored. Bored bored bored bored bored. Why am I bored out of my mind? Everybody has a boyfriend, that or someone they woke up in bed with after a wild night of scotch and Ecstasy, everyone except me. This means I am stuck all alone by my self while my friends go do stuff with their boyfriends, except for my other weird friends who go out to dinner everynight and spend way too much time trying to be sophisticated adults. It's sort of ironic, they try to be mature but they'll blush spelling out S-E-X. Anyway hanging out with them is like spending extra time in Canadian history class, which is bad because you cannot elaborate on "Canada became a country when the Queen signed some papers-Pierre Trudeau- maple syrup-immigrants-flag"-that's all that ever happened and Native Canadians are not part of it (Canada's dirty little secret: the white people ruined their lives forever and don't care). Anyway basically It's all boring. I guess part of it is that I am the only one of my friends that doesn't want a boy friend, and there is nobody that really catches my eye, so I'm sort of left out. The last time I had a crush on someone was more than two years ago which I think is a pretty long time considering that I'm 15 and I should be having a different crush every week. I'm pretty sure I'm not gay, I did go through an "am I gay?" phase but it turned out that no, I wasn't, so that doesn't explain my lack of interest in boys. I do think that certain guys are hot, like the young princes of Monaco, but there is more to it than looks...and that's money. No it's not, (yes it is), but seriously, I'm starting to think that I'm immune to love. Not that it's really a bad thing, sure I'm missing out on that amazing feeling of hope and soaring above the clouds, but I'm also missing out on the feeling that someone is tearing your heart out and smashing your head with a brick (it's probably worse than that but I wouldn't really know). The truth is I would rather be happy and care free (even if I am far from care free) than be obsessed over guys like my friends are, it really seems to break them apart. I don't really know where this is going...but wouldn't it be weird if i stayed like this my whole life?


At 11:45 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

>> starting to think that I'm immune to love.>>

relax, you're not immune. you're just less susceptible to lust aka "love at first sight". it means that your criteria is different from your girlfriends. for some people, it's less the obvious aspect (like looks, style, social status) but more submerged qualities like "quiet strength", "reliability", etc. these qualities that only come out when you spend time with someone. maybe the reason you aren't falling in love is because nobody in your proximity fits the combination that would float your boat.

>> I am the only one of my friends that doesn't want a boy friend>>

i think this is always a good stance to take. you will be far happier if you were happy by yourself first.

it also prevents you from "settling" for someone just because you somehow felt you needed to have a boyfriend or be "unfulfilled". besides, i think that men can sense desperation--and that's not pretty.

>> Bored bored bored bored bored >>

when i am bored, i go out and people-watch. i bring my computer/book/magazine/knitting/whatever to a place where i think will have some interesting people (usually a cafe) and then go about my business. this serves two functions: it gets you out of the house, and you can still be productive.

i don't know about other couples, but i'm always ok with hanging out with friends, with or without my bf. you just need to wait for your friends to get settled in their relationships.


At 1:27 pm, Blogger Wayne said...

Love comes with the price of heartbreaks and tears. And of course, sometimes, it drains your wallet.

When I was 15, I dreamt about having a boyfriend, a relationship, go out, have fun and do a bunch of adult stuff....

But now, thinking back, being 15 was really my care-free era. No drama... no nothing.

Embrace your age, dear. :) There's nothing wrong with being single or being 15.

PS. When I'm bored, I usually read books... or play video game...

At 9:28 pm, Blogger Jon said...

I feel kind of immune to, at least for the moment. But, it will happen to you. Maybe in college, who knows, but don't rush things. Like everyone else said, enjoy being single and not being tied down. And never let a boy push you around- if that ever happens, walk out the door!

At 7:33 am, Blogger joe said...

oh, I wouldn't worry. if you were, say 45, and writing this post, then I'd say THERAPY! but you know, all these crushes and getting your heart ripped apart by inconsiderate oaf-boys ain't fun. but it can be good blog material. being carefree, though, that is something to cherish. enjoy it. just roll with what life has to offer.

At 3:32 pm, Blogger Rae said...

I just dropped by for a quick read. I really like your insight and the way you write. I think I shall be coming back. (And for your comfort, Ive been hoplessly in love with the same one boy for the [ast five years, and frankly, Id rather be in your situation.)

At 4:57 pm, Blogger Rachel said...

go_wade_in:That really makes sense about the lust thing. The only two people I've ever liked I had known a while before. You really cleared things up!:)
wayne:I've really come to notice how care free I am now, especially compared to 12-14, I found those tough years.
jon:I wont let boys push me around! lol I know alot of people who do and they always end up really confused afterwards.
joe: Well I'll probably be in therapy by the time I'm 45 anyway...
rae:Thankyou! I know, I have incredible insight! hahaha...

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