stuck in the snow

It's very cold

Friday, January 14, 2005

Too Hot For A Name

I have decided to take up kick boxing and my first class is tomorrow, I also convinced my two friends, Monique and Steph, to come with me as well. This is going to be so cool...soon I will be able to beat people up with the use of my powerful legs...HIYA! I can see myself now, fashionista by day, super hero by night. People will just assume I am French because of my excellent taste in clothes, and then as soon as I step in to my diamond and platinum over the knee boots suddenly a black leather catsuit with a cascading cape will replace my Chanel outfits and I shall put on my platinum and diamond tiara and I will wear my space age platinum and diamond sun glasses.
Move over Cat Woman, I'll be so hot I wont even need a name, people will just refer to me as "too hot for a name". Who needs a name anyway when they can fly? I will save the world from evil extra terrestrials by focusing my energy and sending lasers out of my dazzling boots. Then I will create a forcefield with my incredibly expensive tiara to protect the earth from this ever happening again, which will also fix the ozone problem. I will end global warming by lasering out all the pollution in the atmosphere and finding an alternative source of energy. People will want to make me a movie star, a singer, a fashion designer, a perfumier, but I will say no as to not over expose myself. Instead I will support the efforts of ending world hunger and creating world peace...
Rachel said goodbye to her current supermodel boyfriend Alex, and snapped her mobile phone shut. She had just finished shopping and was making her way back to her 5th Avenue penthouse that over looked central park so her and Alex could have a romantic dinner together to celebrate their one week anniversary. But when Rachel made her way up to her Penthouse she knew that they would have to postpone their dinner.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH" Alex screamed like a little girl.
"Tell me where Rachel keeps her haute couture gowns and I will let you live." It was Tiffany Smith, the head editor of La Mode magazine. Years back Rachel had become the world's It girl when all the designers had decided she was the best person to wear their clothes. They gave her piles and piles of gorgeous gowns, which made Tiffany extremely mad because she had been striving to become an It girl for her whole life (little did she know you cannot "strive" to become an It girl, it just happens). She was so angry in fact, that she accidentally fell into a pile of nuclear waste which deformed her DNA so she started to grow freakishly long nails, radio active orange skin and tentacles which came out of her ass. Poor Tiffany. Rachel's It girl status never quivered or faded away, which made Tiffany even more angry than she already was. She hid in her office for ages until she finally perfected her plan of throwing Rachel's It girl status down the drain.
"I swear! I don't know! I've only been seeing Rachel for a week! She hasn't told me yet!" sobbed Alex. Tiffany picked Alex up with one of her tentacles as Rachel opened the door.
"Alex!" screamed Rachel, "One second! I'll go get help!"
"She wants your high fashion clothes Rachel! RUN!" Yelled Alex as Tiffany dropped him. Rachel ran through the door way and down the hall and to the stairs.
"You can run...but you can't hide!" Mocked Tiffany, as she let out a menacing laugh.
Quickly, Rachel threw off Louboutin flats and pulled on a glimmering pair of diamond platinum over the knee boots. Suddenly she was transformed into her super hero alter ego, who was too hot for a name, in a skin tight black leather cat suit with a billowing cape, a platinum diamond tiara and matching platinum diamon space age sun glasses. It was time to save her hot supermodel boyfriend from the grasps of the evil Tiffany Smith. With lightning fast speed she made her way down the staircase and flew up to the penthouse windows. She smashed through the windows and shot laser beams at Tiffany from the bottom of her fabulous boots, they hit her tentacles and cut them off.
"Well I was thinking about getting them surgically removed" said Tiffany, "You have no Idea the amount of stares I get when I'm walking down the street." suddenly Tiffany's orange skin began to glow Oh no, it's radioactive! Rachel, who is currently too hot for a name created a force field with her tiara protecting her and Alex from the radiation and also a burn, wrinkles and skin cancer. Focusing all her energy she blasted Tiffany away with her super strong kicking powers.
"I'll get you next time! You and your couture Rachel, where ever you are! You were just lucky help came in time!!!!!" And with that Tiffany Smith dissapeared into the horizon.
"What's your name?" asked Alex in awe, as he looked up at the diamond and platinum sun glasses.
"I don't have one" and with that she sailed away.
"Alex! Alex! Oh my God! Are you alright? I ran to the police station but NO ONE believed me! Can you believe that? Did she hurt you what went on?" Rachel ran to him and gave him a big hug.
"Rachel I'm leaving you..." said Alex.
"What? Why? For who?" asked Rachel, slightly heart broken.
"She saved my life today," Alex replied, "And she is so hot she doesn't even need a name." And with that Alex cat walked out of Rachel's life.
"Damn, this is the fourth one this month. I swear I should change my costume to overalls and Ugg boots." Rachel sighed.

One day I will look back and remember the day it all started with a simple kickboxing class...

5 Comments:

At 7:24 pm, Blogger Jon said...

Wow, I'm envisioning something out of one of the Charlie's Angels films. Well dressed woman who can kick ass totally rock!

 
At 9:38 pm, Blogger Rachel said...

I comepletely agree!Especially when there's bling involved.

 
At 3:35 am, Blogger :: jozjozjoz :: said...

Thank heaven for kickboxing!

 
At 2:02 pm, Blogger Rachel said...

Kick boxing helped save the world!lol

 
At 2:53 pm, Blogger lost at sea said...

That is amazing and wonderful and fantastic. Rock on.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home