stuck in the snow

It's very cold

Friday, November 26, 2004

I live in a creepy place

The other day I had absolutely nothing to do so I decided to take the bus down to the mall. I was waiting at the bus stop when a woman came and asked me when the bus was coming. I said I didn't know so she told me she was going to call the bus help line and that she'd just be over there encase the bus came. Then suddenly she disappeared past a clump of bushes and some buildings. Unfortunately the bus came right when the woman disappeared and since nobody could see her, the bus left. I felt a little bit guilty...but I didn't understand why she would disappear, it's not like there's any pay-phones around or anything. I sat down in one of the slightly dirty seats and suddenly remembered why I hate buses: there's always at least one creepy person who always stares at you, while you try to distinguish the lingering stench in the air. The bus took forever to get to the mall, for a while I thought I had gotten on the wrong one, especially when a bunch of ten year olds got on. I was very surprised when I heard one of the girls say "She's such a whore, she had to get an abortion." What is happening to the children of today!? I finally made it to the mall, except it wasn't the wondrous place of shopping I had remembered. Unfortunately I'm not that interested in super-duper mass produced items anymore, now I prefer to save up my money and buy very nice items that I really like and that will last. I had definitely not thought this shopping trip through and so I spent ages wandering around the mall looking for something more suited to my taste. After a while I found a really cute pair of pjs that had little black wide-eyed cats all over them. Eventually decided to go home so I walked out some doors but couldn't see the bus stop anywhere, it turns out it was on the other side of the mall. I finally made it on the bus and sat there until it reached the main down town bus stop, where the all little buses sleep (lol). The last people all got off, this isn’t right, I thought, the bus was supposed to take me back to the bus stop near my house, but it wasn't moving! I finally decided to get off since it seemed like it was going no where and proceeded to walk home. Where I live, downtown is not somewhere you would particularly want to be. It was getting dark so I started to quicken my pace, I had absolutely no clue how far away from home I was, all I knew was that I should keep walking straight. I started to cross the street but then a car almost crashed into me and the guy driving it rolled down his window, said something that I didn't pick up then winked and smiled in a creepy way. Walking down town, I noticed allot of guys about my age who looked really angry, and some homeless people that were sort of leering at me. I finally got so freaked out I started to run as fast as I could (thanks to the treadmill that is now possible without having a heart attack) just wishing I could be home because the sky was almost black. I ran and ran, finally I made it to my old school, which I used to walk to from home, it still wasn't a great area to be, but at least I knew my way around properly now. I continued to run until I finally made it home. Safe! At last! This whole predicament got me thinking, I think I should hire a chauffeur. I asked my parents, but they said no. One more reason to marry a billionaire. ;)

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

They still hate me.

The other day I decided to walk over to my old school to retrieve my yearbook, which I had paid $40 dollars for and never got (the school never handed them out at the end of the year). It was weird coming back, everything looked so familiar but so foreign at the same time. You know when you come back to a place that has allot of memories, and even though you didn't think you were having any fun or learning anything useful you realise that you were actually having a great time and you really start to miss that place and feel guilty for taking it all for granted? Well that didn't happen for me. Walking up the staircase and down the halls I remembered all the bad memories. I mean sure the first two months were fun, but then one of my friends moved away and everyone drifted apart from each other. I then realised I was the only one not getting high at lunch time (literally).
Anyway I made my way down to the office and asked one of the secretaries if I could have my yearbook. She then proceeded to call a teacher who I had never met before ... lets just call her Miss Rude. I waited at Miss Rude's office and watched some of my old classmates walk by. I found it very heart warming that nobody had seemed to recognize me. When Miss Rude finally made it to her office I noticed that she was very short and chubby, with a mean expression on her face. But being the non-judgemental person that I am, I gave her a smile and said,
"Hi! I used to go to this school last year and I never got my yearbook so I was wondering if I could get it now."
"Fine. What's your name?" said Miss Rude, I told her and then she proceeded to flip through a bunch of papers. "I don't see your name here." She barked.
"Are you sure?" I asked. I knew I had definitely brought the money and the form in. I remembered because we had to hand it in during math class. I am severely mathematically challenged and so when I was the first person to bring the form in my math teacher was really surprised and he said "Everybody follow Rachel's example and bring your yearbook forms in!" And that was the only good thing about me that ever came out of my math teacher's mouth.
"I'm positive! So what do you want me to do?!" Miss Rude practically yelled at me."Um, well, can I bring the money in tomorrow or something and then can I get my yearbook?" I asked."Yep." And with that she pushed her way by me and stormed down the hall."Ok." I mumbled, severely disappointed that I still didn't have my yearbook. All I could think was: Why the f*ck is she so mad? I don't even go to this school anymore!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

This is going to be a very interesting year...

Being freakishly pessimistic really paid off this time. Well it turns out I can go back to school in Ireland next year after all! Yay I’m so happy, especially since I wasn't expecting it! I'll be doing the same year as I would be this year so technically I'll be older than everybody else, but apparently everyone in Ireland is always a year younger or older so I guess it wont be as traumatizing as it would have been over here.
But of course I simply must go to school for the time being instead of spending the rest of the year in California (thanks mom and dad)! My mom wants to send me to some rehabilitation school or something, she said that you only go three days a week and you get to work at your own pace: That would take so long to graduate from. The only problem is they only except students 16 and over, luckily I'm a year too young! After December or something I will be able to go back to a normal school when the new semesters start. The only problem is what school can I go to?
Somehow I have managed to know a large amount of people from almost every school in my town. First there is the school I went to last year, which shall be named Addiction School. I do not want to go to a school where the teachers purchase drugs from the kids, enough said there. Secondly there is bitchy people school. I went to middle school with these kids and was "friends" with them until the end of the year when I told them all what I thought of them (they really were mean, they teased everyone and spread rumours about everyone, basically made certain people's lives a living hell). No way am I going there! Then there is the new school, but unfortunately a bunch of people from bitchy people school moved over there so that is another nay nay. There are two catholic schools, but since I’m still not clear on the religion thing and two, almost everybody I used to horseback ride with go to both of those schools. We were all friends until I left to go train with a new go coach and stable, and ever since they have been gossiping about me. Apparently I am anorexic and got kicked out of five different schools in Europe for feeding my cocaine addiction and having numerous nervous breakdowns, caused by my manic depression. Wow, do I lead an exciting life (seriously, I thought they were joking, but I then realised they weren't when they all tried to team up and help me). So I don't really want to go to the catholic schools either. Getting a bit picky aren't we? So now I am down to two choices: The first choice may not be an option because my mom doesn't want me to go there because of it's bad reputation (um, the school I went to last year had a good reputation so I don't know how reliable that is). The other school has two people I used to know and I both used to horseback ride with. Luckily I got along with them pretty well and as far as I know they aren't gossiping about me. One of them is this girl who's really nice and likes to drink allot and the other is this guy who is like, Jude Law hot and who I used to like- allot (usually a guy who horseback rides wouldn't exactly be on the top of my list, but he's so hot it doesn't matter). Anyway my choice is the last school (even if Mr. Jude Law does have a girlfriend…but that can change, ok not really, I'd feel too guilty and then maybe I would become a crack addict and manic depressive). This should be interesting!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Life as a homeless person can't be that bad...

It's official, my future will be nothing more than begging on the cold, unforgiving streets of Toronto. My mother has "kindly" informed me that I can't go to school in Ireland this year, and chances are they wont have a place for me next year. I was SO close to a real education, so close to having the oportunity of going to any college or universty in the EU I wanted (well providing I get in, I guess thats a big part too lol). SO CLOSE. But now my dream is over, I can't even beleive I was that close to it. I'll have to go to school here, a college here, I will never get to travel because chances are I wont be able to AFFORD to! I wont even be able to marry rich, there are NO rich people here. I can see myself now...wondering the streets freezing my undernourished ass off, looking for something to eat. I will look up and see that small children are frightened of me, just like I used to be when I saw a crazy homeless person.
Ok, Maybe that isn't very realistic, but you never know...Any I've just remembered my backup plan, becoming a chef! I'm pretty good at cooking, maybe I could open a pastry shop! Then maybe a slightly larger one accross town, see how that works out, start maing wedding cakes, I could make an ok amount of money out of that. Maybe even marry for love! Or maybe hunt down some billionaire. Whatever, I've got about three more years to figure this out.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

I am so bored

I am so freaking bored! And my computer keeps on screwing up! I think it is time to get a new one...maybe a Mac, my brother has one and it's so cool and it NEVER SCREWES UP! I have to write this really fast incase my computer decides to have another break down. My mom is bugging me to call my so called "friends". Who should I call? The ones that prayed that I would get so sick I wouldn't be able to go to school (they seriously did) or the ones who started a bunch of rumors that I was anorexic (which I am not)! Tough choice, how about no one? I was so glad to just leave and make new friends at school, but did that happen? Noooo. Now my mom thinks I'm in some sort of slump, which I don't understand because half the time she's telling me do nothing so I can recover and then the other half she's telling me to go party with my friends. Now I'm assuming that she doesn't fully understand the concept of partying, but that still doens't explain why she wont let me go shopping. It's not like I don't have money, I haven't gone shopping for about five months, so I've saved ALOT, and I could use the retail therapy. I'm so mad, now I have to spend the rest of the day with my "friends". All because my mom thinks I'm becoming "depressed". I have no clue what she is talking about, depressed is when you can't even get out of bed in the morning without having five shots of vodka and some happy pills. Not when your dancing around the house pretending your Cher! Seriously, she pepole shouldn't throw that word around. Any way sorry but I really needed to get that out of my system! I very much hope your life is getting on better than mine:)!

Tuesday, November 02, 2004


omg...I am SO sorry, but I havent had access to a computer for about four months! I spent my whole summer going in and out of doctor's offices and finally ending up in the hospital because no one thought of ulcers until I had a camera stuck dowwn my throuat and the doctor said "Woah look at all that blood! It's like a fireball!". So I spent one whole florecent light filled week at the hospital...omg the worst moment of my life (lots of sotries though). I then left to go to school in Ireland, and after two months of people telling me I'll be there soon, suddenly the doctors decided I should go back home because I wasn't well enough. Why? I don't know, they wouldn't tell me! Any way I spent the whole time going to flower shows with my grandmother...two months of flowers ad old ladies is a very, very looooong time...especially when your grandmother has a very limited supply of electric appliances. Well I can finally keep track of my life again! YAY!