stuck in the snow

It's very cold

Monday, May 31, 2004

Half way to 30

O god, today's my birthday. I am now 15, fifteen! 15 years of my life is completely over! And in my opinion, I completely screwed it up. There are so many things I wish I had done, especially one time in grade six (I was 11), my teacher got so mad at me for not doing my homework that she started to yell at me:
"GET OUT! GO ON, OUT!"
I walked out side, and wasn't really sure where I was suppose to go so I just stood there by the door, in the raging blizzard. I was so upset and I felt like I had completely screwed everything up and tears started pouring down my face, then freezing to it. It wasn't fair! The kids that beat up everybody else got better treatment from her than I did. There was even one kid who put this little boy in the hospital, and all he got were a few detentions. Well I got five detentions, had to clean the desks, put up all the chairs and was now standing outside at risk of frostbite, all I had done was not doing my homework a few times, I did fine on my tests and projects which pretty much made up for it anyway. Some of the kids could still see me crying out the window, and they told the teacher that I was still outside (apparently I had been out there for about an hour), my teacher got one of the kids to tell me I was supposed to go to the principal’s office right away. Fine! Well I stormed away, super pissed off, and suddenly a thought occurred to me, maybe I could run away...not far, just to the end of the field where all the trees were, but far enough that they wouldn't be able to find me. I would be sheltered enough and would be pretty warm anyway. I stopped and thought about it for a long, long time. What would happen to me if I just left? I tried to turn but I could not do it. The thought of the unknown future terrified me, and I walked forward into the school. I will never forgive myself for not having the courage to take control over the situation. Sure, maybe it wouldn't have been the best choice but I think it would have saved me from allot of the self doubt I've had over the years.
Any way, after that little story, where was I? O yes, 15, half way to 30, which is half way to 60,which is half way to 120, which is half way to...well lets just hope they have that whole stem cell thing worked out by then!
Allot of people I know are happy about their birthdays, they have a big party and buy a big cake and open tons of presents, but to me it doesn't really work out. It's not that I don’t have any friends, or that I have maniac parents, it's that bad things ALWAYS happen during and around the time of my birthday. I can remember tons of times I had attempted birthday parties, but they all went down the drain. One time I was about 6 and was running down the side walk, tripped and skidded on the pavement in front of all my friends. They all laughed at me (nice friends) and it left me covered in blood and ruined my favourite dress. Another, more recent time I invited all my friends to laser-quest, but it turned out they were all mad at each other for one thing or another. I spent the whole time playing Dr. Phil, trying to fix their problems. They would all snap back and tell me to tell one another that they could go *@#% themselves. Eventually they all teamed up on me and said that I wasn’t being a very good friend. I “forgot” o hand out the goodie bag that year. Well so much for that. I stopped having birthday parties because they just ended up in disasters, but even then the bad luck didn't stop. Two years ago on my birthday, I found out my then-pony had hurt his leg, and it would take four to five months for it to heal. I spent the whole day hearing my coach and the owner of the stable that it was my fault and kept implying that I was a bad rider, even though the vet had said Twister (my old pony) had probably hurt it slipping in the MUDDY field. Twister was in so much pain and it was the worst thing ever to see him like that.
Well this birthday is no different, It is raining, I have some sort of flue and feel like sh*t. No one has called to wish me happy birthday (I call all my friends on their birthdays), I got practically no cards from anyone, not even my relatives while they gave my brother tons, with tons of cash included. I am talking to my best friend on IM and she has completely forgotten it is my birthday. Sorry for being so negative, I'll talk about my trip to the doctor later on, then my trip to Toronto (which isn’t really that interesting anyway).
Well I hope no one ever has to experience the crappy birthdays that I continuously have. Have A Nice Day :). Cheerio!

19 Comments:

At 6:06 pm, Blogger Rachel said...

My friend called and complained about how sick she felt,then hung up. I think I should find some new friends.

 
At 11:41 pm, Blogger Kis Lee said...

Happy birthday! Stop stressing and enjoy being 15.

 
At 5:34 pm, Blogger matty said...

Happy Birthday, Hon.

I promise --- it gets better. I know that this is really easy for me to write and to say, but it does get better. My suggestion is for you to get yourself a copy of Patti Smith Group's CD, "Horses" --- that got me through high school.

 
At 4:29 am, Blogger adilio said...

Wow, I never really realized that you were sooo young.... either you're an extremely mature writer for your age, or I'm just a big child at heart, hehe.... I'm going with a little from column a and a little from b.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY :), have a fantabulous year that's bursting with fruit flavor, you deserve it :)....

 
At 10:22 am, Blogger Wayne said...

And OH MY GAWD. I MISSED YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Oh well, I'll save the strip tease until you are at the legal age. :)

Happy Belated, Sweetie.

 
At 5:16 pm, Blogger Rachel said...

Thanx you guys!:)
hk: I'll try, just need to find those little red pills...lol jks.
Matt:I'm heading striaght to the CD store. (I think I am the only one who still doesn't have mp3s!)
Adilio:I'm not that young, half way to 30 remember!lol jks.
Wayne:I'm legal in 3 years baby!

 
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