stuck in the snow

It's very cold

Saturday, May 15, 2004

The Effects Of Madonna on Llamas.

Just looking back on a few memories of where I used to horseback ride (I moved to another stable last year, long story and very boring) and I came across this one:
The owner of the stable me and my friends rode at decided to take care of a friend's llama for her during the summer. Me and my friends were quite intrigued by this creature because we had never actually seen one so close before. Any way we had lots of fun with this llama, whose name was Kazoo, getting him to jump jumps and stuff, but we never really got close to him because he was slightly crazy.
I had recently bought a pair of chaps (to horseback ride in) which quite resembled a pair that Madonna wore in a recent video (yeehaw!), the one where she is dressed like a cowgirl and rides one of those electric bull things. Any way the song was stuck in my head so I started dancing to it like the way Madonna did in the video, the whole hip action going on and everything! We had a good laugh until the owner decided to make us all retrieve Kazoo from his field so he could be fed indoors. We all became very giddy at the thought of what would happen, Kazoo was quite mentally unstable after all. Everybody was too scared to get him, so the brave Xena warrior that I am, I stepped in to the field to face what ever fate may await me. I started to walk over to him, talking soothingly as not to freak him out, but when he saw me he started to back away. I started to feel bad for him, he was a stunning creature after all and maybe he had been abused as a young llama, so I bent down to pick up some butter cup flowers that he could eat.
That was when my brilliant friend yelled out "Rachel! Do the Madonna dance!" It seemed like a good idea at the time, really! So I starting, swinging my hips in my chaps just like Madonna did o so gracefully, and suddenly Kazoo perked his ears forward and started to walked slowly towards me. It was working! After about a second he started to wiggle his little tail and then walked faster, this was such a cute little llama! When he made his way over to me his eyes were sort of bulging out of his head as I reached up to put his head collar on when all of a sudden he reared up and started towards me. HE WAS TRYING TO MOUNT ME! I HAD to get away, so I ran the opposite direction, but he was after me...omg omg! Must get away! I swerved like those animals running away from the predator on The Discovery channel, while my friends were all paralysed with laughter, this wasn't funny, this was serious! Every time I swerved, he lunged towards me, this was one desperately perverted llama! Then I saw my only hope at the far end of the field, a thick overgrown spot of plants and small trees, just big enough for me to squeeze through. I sprinted super fast and jumped into the mass of vegetation(see diagram below), I made it!!! Kazoo just stood there looking disappointed (eew) and walked away. I stayed there until my friends got our coach to bring him in for us. This was a very traumatizing experience, and I don't think I will ever get over it, I'm just glad I made it to those plants in time...
P.S. I love llamas! I think they're so pretty and sweet and they have done alot of cute things, like bite my brother, lick my hand and drop a flower in my hand, aww! But Kazoo was just a bad apple and does not represent any other llamas in any way:(.
Here is a diagram I made to show me running away...
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4 Comments:

At 6:42 pm, Blogger adilio said...

THe diagram was really the clincher for me on that story, I would say it's your best impressionistic art yet ;). Hmm, I have this sneaky suspicion the llama amy have belonged to some aforementioned fraternities, hehehehe.... jk

 
At 7:12 pm, Blogger Rachel said...

lol I got an A in art...lol.

 
At 3:46 pm, Blogger Wayne said...

!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEE LLAMAS!!! (and Alpaca too!!) I mean, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THEM SO MUCH! THEY ARE SO CUTE and I never get to see on in real life... You so lucky that you get to play with a llama....and even turned him on!!! (oops)

That llama has to be gay. He eats petals and loves Madonna.

 
At 4:40 pm, Blogger Rachel said...

lol Wayne, it's good to know I can turn anything on, even a gay llama! haha jks

 

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