stuck in the snow

It's very cold

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Ants

Warning: A little bit gory, not for weak stomachs






Well I was getting ready to go to bed, in my pj’s and face cream, when I noticed that the tiny door leading to my attic (which is in my room) was open. I got up a little annoyed(I would have left it opened but I get really paranoid at night and think theres evil things lurking up there) and went over to close it. As soon as I moved the door I saw something scurry on the edge of the door frame, IT WAS AN ANT! And not just any ant, a HUGE ant! I am serious, it was probably the biggest ant I had ever seen in my whole life! Well I have a thing about insects and creepy crawly things, whenever I see them I do this mini spaz attack, so I did the mini spaz attack, which is sort of a twitchy "get away" reflex, and when I was done I looked at it again. It was black and it looked like three berries had been stuck together and numerous legs had grown on each side, it sort of looked like it was going to explode and was round and shiny and grotesque looking eew. I could have slammed the door shut and that would have been the end of it, but that would have been cruel, and what if he had other giant ant friends that would come to avenge his death? Maybe If the food chain played a part it wouldn’t be so cruel and evil, I thought. Well my cat Pachy likes to eat bugs (it’s really fun to watch him jump up and catch little moths), so I picked him up off my bed and took him to the ant. Pachy didn’t really see it so I tapped the door to make the ant move a little bit.
Rachel: “Go get it Pachy!”

Pachy: “Meow, meow, prrrrrrrrr…prrrrrrrrrr”

Rachel: “Come on Pachy! You can do it! Mmmmm Look at that yummy ant!” (eew).

Pachy: “Prrrrrrr….prrrrrrrrr…prrrrrrrrrrr…prrrrrrrrr…prrrrrrrrr…prrrrrrrrrr….prrrrrrrr.”

Pachy started to lick my hand and then he left and jumped back up on to my bed. So much for that idea. Well then I thought I could close the door a little bit so the giant ant wouldn’t be able to get into my room but it would still be alive. Ok, so I pushed the door so it wasn’t open but it wasn’t closed, there we go! Just one more check to see it’s all right, I pulled the door open again and looked down at the ant. EWWWWWWWWWW it was half squished…(oops). Well this time I did this super mini spaz attack, ewwwwwww it was half squished, how disgusting! lol. It was sort of twitching and it looked like it was in pain, so finally I decided to put the ant out of it’s misery and slammed the door shut. Then I did the biggest mini spaz attack of all, seriously, I freaked my cat out, it was totally squished all over the door.... Then I heard some skittering on the ceiling. Skitter skatter skitter skatter. The giant ant’s giant ant friends were coming to get me, omg!!!! Ewwwwww, I don’t want to die this way, ewww what if they take me and start feeding on my flesh? That would be such a gross way to die. I always imagined my death to be tres chic, like being 105 but only looking 25 (thank you plastic surgeons!) and wearing nothing but pearl-covered shoes and custom made pink lingerie. I would lie tragically on the luxurious rooftop of my Penthouse until my lover came and found me and would instantly start sobbing over my dead body, I would die of natural causes of course. Yes, that would be a very chic way of dying. Then more skittering awoke me from my the chicest way for me to die dream, OMG!!!! I was having the biggest most distorted mini spaz attack ever. EWWWWWWW! Suddenly I saw something run across the window, if that was an ant it was FREAKING HUGE! It was the size of a squirrel!I will never live to be 105, the ants will take me down to their evil lair to their queen and she will feed on my dis-mangled body! Then a nother scutter accross my window,

O wait that was a squirrel… oooo so that was the skittering I had heard on my roof top. I forgot about the squirrels.

85 Comments:

At 12:41 am, Blogger adilio said...

A delightfully disgusting account.... I know how you feel, we had ant problems at my place, had to go buy the fancy ant killer stuff that didn't even really work, ended up calling exterminators.... Insects are EVIL....

 
At 4:13 pm, Blogger Rachel said...

I agree, insects are the grossest things ever! My house is infested with them, especially ear wigs(eew). But alas, my parents are hippies and think everything nature made has value (ok maybe thats true) including insects, which I slightly disagree with. So no exterminators for me :(!

 
At 5:25 pm, Blogger Kis Lee said...

I freaking hate all forms of insects. i would have had the same type of reaction.

 
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