stuck in the snow

It's very cold

Thursday, October 06, 2005


You know what, I am beginning to relize that having ulcers was almost a good thing. For a while they didnt know what was wrong with me so I had to go in and out of the doctors and then finally got to go to the hospital. The thing is, the doctors, and especially the hospital, desentisized me from mortifying imbarrassment. There's just something about having your shit tested, having cameras shuved up and down, and being in the same room as a girl her expells her bodily waste from her stomach (and sometimes spilling it) that makes everything else seem alot less important. I think today would be an excellent example. The school uniform at my irish catholic boarding school is terribly frumpy, and the skirt hemlines reach a very unflattering mid-calf. (I got my granny to hem my skirts so they're knee legnth). Well, being from Canada, where the hemlines are usually about mid-ass in catholic schools, I decided to partially roll my skirt up, so it was mid thigh. For some reason, this really gave my friends a kick, so they dared me to wear it short to lunch. What the hell, why not? I might have gotten in trouble because all of the teachers here have huge poles up their asses (and not enough lube), but I can't deny the long dradition of Canadian catholic school girl skirt lengths just to avoid some detention. So I walked into the dining hall with my skirt flaping about a few below my butt, which I don't really consider all that short, considering that I'm only 5"3 anyways. Well I suppose it was rather short according to some people. No one really noticed until I walked out with my friends, gigling and my fat, shot and bald geography teacher saw me and yelled, "RACHEL! CONCEAL YOURSELF!!!" and then the whole lunch room (what, twenty people?) started to laugh. Im pretty sure I would have gotten in trouble if I myself hadnt been laughing so hard. My friend was lauging so hard that she had to lie down on the floor, as I quickly put my tray away and rolled my skirt back down to knee length, trying not to piss myself in a fit of laughter. And well, besides the uber long skirt hemlines, this school also has FUCKING SHITTY COMPUTERS!!!! This is the first time I've been on the internet in FOUR DAYS. FOUR FUCKING DAYS. I can finally finish this post, which took me about 2 weeks to write because the internet keeps on crashing. Anyway, since writing these posts are very theraputic for me, Im going to try my darndest to avoid the internet crashes before hand. bye :)

Sunday, October 02, 2005


I'm so mad at my self fo not keeping this up over the summer an for another month, much like last year atually. Hopefully I wont do this in 2006. Well I'm at boarding scool now, which is weird but I think I like it. I've been here for three weeks now, and I've managed to get into trouble four times. Look, it's really not my fault if all the majority of teachers here have poles up their asses. And I got introuble for stupid things too, like making a grilled cheese sandwich at 11:30 pm, forgetting my blazer for some stupid singing presentation, not wearig my cape (which are in fashion now, but Im sure will be out by next year) at inspection (not what it sounds like, they just give you your effort marks from class), leaving the school without the proper amount of permission (I only got caught once)...
Even though most of the teachers have poles up their asses, they are very good teachers who seem to actually enjoy teaching. Well except Ms. Bustard, who is my french and spanish teacher. She's one of those teachers who cant control the class room but gets angry very easily. I saw her sitting in the third year common room alone, the night before last, looking extremely suicidal. It's rather sad.
I have made some good friends, but no boy friends, so my immunity to love still seams to exsist. I am longing for it with every fibre of my being, especially because the only dvd we currently have is Moulin Rouge, so it gets played over and over again. Its a rather happy movie if you leave the room at the right time.
well that is all, Im glad I started updating again. See ya!

Monday, July 11, 2005

My bike ride

Today I decided to take my mom's bike out for a ride since I had nothing better to do. My mom likes to buy really old bikes after they have been fixed up, unfortunately, they always fall apart in about a month so she always has to go buy new ones. I don't have a bike for some reason. The bike is some racing bike from the 70's and it was a very unpleasant compared to a mountain bike, the kind that don't hurt you butt and pelvic region. Any way I was toddling around the trail, and I noticed that the other bikers had amazing legs, long and toned, the kind that actually look good in spandex. Hmmm, that could be me one day. Actually my legs aren't that bad, except for the fact that my left calf is fatter than my right because I had a stupid running injury and now I have a lot less muscle definition in my left leg, it's only noticeable to me, but I guess that's the way it always is.
As I was biking, I came to the decision to buy my own bike, a mountain bike with one of those gel seats, because my ass was really starting to hurt. I was passing a whole range of people down the trail thingy, including two child prostitutes. They were about 7, with thick black eyeliner smudged over their eyes, cheap skanky clothing and stuffed bras (or illegal implants). As they walked together, arms linked, the shorter blonde gave me a dirty look. Probably something to do with the crappy bike I was riding. I noticed how out of place breasts look when there is no hip development whatsoever, which is probably derived from me being pissed off that a seven year old managed to have bigger tits than me. After the child prostitute encounter I headed onwards...until little tiny bugs started to attack me. Crap!!!! I clumsily turned my bike around, and raced out of the bug forest and then decided to head back home, mainly because of the excuciating pain my butt was enduring. Ow, it's so painful. I raced back home but halfway there I was forced to slow down because of a clump of laughing boys (the old kind). That smells fimiliar... I suddenly realized that they were smoking pot, in front of everyone in broad daylight. I smiled with pride, Canada is the only country where you can commit midly illegal crimes and not get in trouble because everyone is too passive and embarrassed to do anything. Oh, Canada. I passed the child prostitutes again too, and received another dirty look, but to give them a break, I'd be pissed off if I was a child prostitute. I finally made it home just before my ass outwardly screamed for some morphine injections. I seriously bet that every bike racer in the world has butt implants.

Monday, July 04, 2005


God I am so bored. I have to call my dear friend Amanda today so we can make plans to do something. I owe her because I "could not" come to one of her boring dinner outings at some crap restaurant. Me and Amanda have known each other since we were three, and as the years progressed I went through many transformations (or “awkward stages”), and many self discoveries, all of them guided by challenges and problems that I was forced to face (nothing that extreme, usually to do with my rebelliousness). I always noticed that Amanda never had many problems; besides the occasional fights with her sister she was always quite happy and pretty much leading a perfect life. We remained best friends until we were 12, me wild and crazy, wearing eighties style leggings and cutting my hair off, and her quiet and conservative, wearing little GAP cardigans. But once we hit junior high, things really started to change. I wasn’t in any of the same classes as her, I was with my horseback riding friend Monique, and then I met Steph in our French immersion classes together and at horseshows. Monique and Steph were both much more fun to hang out with, and as thoughtless as it is, I started to choose them over Amanda. Although it wasn’t as if I had totally abandoned Amanda, I still saw her outside of school, and a few times a week I went over to her house for lunch with some of her friends when I got sick of the tries and tribulations of the group me, Monique and Steph belonged to. I always knew I wouldn’t have to deal with any drama whilst with Amanda and her gang, nothing ever happened, we all sat there, ate our lunches and watched Arthur. Well throughout the years Amanda has barely changed at all, besides her new thing of going out to dinner at places that are extremely expensive that began in the ninth grade. She’s just…too innocent. There’s just nothing bad about Amanda, nothing daring, she’s just so bleak. She might as well be a talking placenta or something. Oh god I feel awful for trashing Amanda, what has she ever done to me? But I suppose it is good to get my feelings out there. But it's not as if I don't put any effort into it either. I usually start to talk about something and then ask her about it, but I always receive a one answer reply: Yes, No, Maybe, Yea, Ok. How am I supposed to work with that? How? I mean we're teenagers, we should be having wild parties, doing lines of coke off of each other's asses (ok not that wild), not politely sitting at a restraunt talking about nothing. Ok? OK? Yes, you can have fun at a restraunt with your friends, but not when everyone else is so conservative, and when it's too expensive and the food sucks. Oh yea, and no one else tips so you end up having to tip like, twelve dollars.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Sex ed

OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T BLOGGED FOR MORE THAN A MONTH!!! I have finally worked procrastination down to an art. Well not much has happened in the past month anyway. Except for my birthday: 16 years of my life completely over, exams: did badly in spanish as usual but still waiting for the results, I am officially going to boarding school next september(yay!), and school is DONE! Thank god. I was getting so sick of stupid "Sex ed". At first it's fine, you're with your friends, smelling flavored condoms, looking at grotesque pictures of STD's, not really doing any work... Then BANG suddenly you're flung into the world of teachers preaching abstinence until you are married. This really pissed me off, although a lot of the other girls didn't put any thought into it, they just listened to the teacher. I kept on getting the impression from my teacher that you should marry to have sex, and once you are married you're perfectly safe from STD's and emotional difficulties surrounding sex. That's complete bullcrap. Just think about how many people cheat on their spouses, and how may couples loose their lust for each other, plus you can't forget the 50% of marriges that end in divorce. And another thing, as my wise friend once said, you need to know that you're sexually compatible with your partner before you get married. Imagine that it's your honey moon night, you've saved yourself just for this person, and the sex turns out to be awful. What happens then? Yes you love them, but do you really want to live a life with no good sex? Do you? Do you really want to have both of you faking it for the rest of your marriage (which will probably not last long)? You'll end up having to fork up a ton of cash for some sex therapist, and quite frankly, if you're young newlyweds the chances of you affording any sort of therapy is quite slim (well unless insurance covers it, I don't really know, I guess if it does you don't have that big of a problem then). Another thing is, I felt like I was being told to go off and get married, like it was necessity. There was no "If you get married" but "When you get married" and a lot of talks about what we would look for in a husband, and how he would support us. WELL I DON'T NEED A MAN IN MY LIFE! I DON'T NEED TO BE MARRIED TO BE HAPPY AND SOME GUY TO HELP ME AFFORD MY HOUSE! I CAN ADOPT A GIRL FROM CHINA ON MY OWN AND BECOME A COOL, HOT SINGLE MOTHER LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE. I mean for god's sake, it's 2005, not 1950. During the middle of the discussion I raised my hand and just blurted it out: "What if I don't want to get married? Will I never have sex?!?! Or what if I don't get married until I'm forty? I don't want to be a virgin for that long." Unfortunately the teacher gave me a speech about values and long term partners, like her uncle who had been engaged for over 30 years and according to her was an acceptable situation for intercourse. Um, that wasn't exactly what I had meant but I didn't feel like getting into it when I knew what the answers would be. Although I do understand why they tell us to wait until marriage, because it really does decrease the exposure of STDs but I just don't think that it's realistic to most people and fair on the kids who may never get married. I think it would work a lot better if they said "wait until you're out of highschool" or something like that, considering that we have had safe sex knowledge imprinted in all our brains, and so now we can make wise choices. Unless you're gay. I guess I could say I'm not all that surprised that we didn't learn about gay sex, but I am very annoyed, considering that the teacher decided to skip drugs, nutrition and eating disorders in order to learn more about (straight) "intimate relations". At a sex conference I went to with my class, we had to ask meaningfully questions to different presentations set up in order to earn points for our schools. I went around, asking things, until I went up to the school board nurse lady thing and couldn't think of a question. Suddenly, it struck me, If I was gay, or in my future I decided to have sex with a woman, I would be SO confused!!! So I asked her "Why don't we learn about homosexual sex, only heterosexual sex?" I don't really know why I didn't just say gay and straight, but at least I knew I had got my point across, because she looked very surprised. She praised me for being so insightful and then told me that no one had ever thought about that and that she was going to go discuss it with the rest of the nurse-sex-education-thing she belongs to. Wow, I may have actually influenced education, which has been one of my life long goals. But I guess the big picture is that not learning about gay sex creates a subliminal message that it's still unacceptable, even though where I live same sex marriage is legal. It's just a big hypocrisy! Wow, does this make me a revoluntionary (is that actually a word)? I think it does! O well, at least I learned about how to make wise choices in the bedroom (or the elevator, or the airplane toilet, or the tampoline, or the chandelier, or the...). At least I don't live in Alabama or something, where flavored condoms are probably banned, and HIV/AIDS is secretly spreading like wildfire but no one talks about it because of the stigma, and beleifs...I guess I am pretty lucky.